'Tis The Season to Turn Inwards?

Maybe it is because I am an 'autumn baby' (born at the beginning of November), or maybe it is just because I am the way that I am, but in any case I simply love Fall! I love the weather - still sunny and bright like the summer, but with a refreshing breath of cool in the mornings and evenings. The gentle easing in of the crisp relief from summer's heat somehow even makes the shortening of days bearable. Although "the holiday season" (or "christmas") is not my favorite time of year, I do not feel dread at the thought of impending winter. It will arrive, so why waste this beautiful season dreading it?

According to an email that I recently received from an astrologer acquaintance of mine, noting that (Monday) Sept 22nd was the Autumn Equinox (seasonally recognised as the first day of Autumn/Fall), "equinoxes are points in space and time representing a time of balance and intense change, and are symbolically observed as a time of rebirth." It seems fitting then that I be embarking on an inward journey at this time, and even more fitting that I have found myself revisiting the three words that made up my 'New Years Goal' (see: http://thelightbetween.blogspot.com/2008/01/new-year-new-you.html ). My words for 2008 were: Truth, Balance & Community. My goal for this year was to examine each of these words/concepts throughout the year, to discover what they mean to me on an ongoing basis and how they represent my goals for myself this year.

In some ways I could say that community was the 'easiest' concept for me to explore, but I think that had a lot to do with my personal commitment to moving out of my solitary basement living situation and in to Laura & Louis (and Henry)'s lovely house in The Junction neighbourhood at the start of this year. The notion of community is much easier to explore when you make yourself part of one. I also had the opportunity to reflect on definitions of community, and the great importance of community to me, through my three and a half month relocation to St Louis this summer. Yes, living with the same three people that you work with every day, in a two bedroom apartment, in a place that is new and unknown to you definitely forces one to think about the nuances of community via 'communal living.' Furthermore, being away, for an entire season, from the community of loved ones that you've spent 8 years cultivating also forces one to consider the importance of community.

I also feel that I carried the word balance with me throughout the last 9 months with some consistency, even (or perhaps especially) when I was not exactly living in a 'balanced' way. I think that my mere awareness of my tendencies to throw myself so fully (with a sort of 'all or nothing' type of abandon) in to work, or play, or relationships, is really at the core of my exploration of balance. I also feel that, much like nature bursts forth with life and brightness and flowers and fruits in the Spring and Summer, I too burst forth with great energy in these seasons. Thus, as the leaves and trees and plants begin to retreat as the weather cools and the days get shorter in the Fall, I too find myself slowing down and turning inward. To me, this is the ultimate exploration of balance - balancing my life not merely within the scope of a day or a week or a month, but in alignment with the seasons as they unfold over the course of an entire year!

Which brings us finally, to 'truth'. My final frontier? There is a part of me that claims not to even remember why I chose the word truth to be on this list. But then there is a deeper part of me, one without exact words or specific thoughts, that tells me that I do know, and that is what this final phase of 2008 will be about. This time right now is about moving further inward, to discover all the truths that live within me and then summoning the courage to live those truths outwardly. I'm still working on sorting out exactly what that means and how that will work, but I do feel confident that that is the task before me...

And so now I go, to continue working on the work that is my life's work these days: taking care of and doing what's best for me. Will keep ya posted on how it goes as I see fit, but until then,

Happy Autumn! Get out there (or in there) and discover the way that you choose to celebrate this beautiful season that is all about restoring our personal balance, turning inward, giving thanks, and taking in all the life-giving gifts that Spring and Summer gave us, as we prepare to hunker down and dive deep in to the depths of Winter!

NAMASTE

'Project Birthday'

Alright, so I'm home, and have been now for nearly three weeks! Though I must say, it feels like less than that. As I explained in a recent email to a friend of mine currently living in New York, I feel as though it's taken me some time to re-adjust myself to the reality of returning to my Toronto life... 'My Toronto life', which is both comfortingly familiar in appearances, but obviously subtly (and not so subtly) different below the surface. If that makes any sense to anyone.

In any case, I am back here now, and though my days are often punctuated with pangs of missing my St Louis friends and the strange but beautiful time that we shared together this summer, I am finally starting to feel a little bit more settled here in Toronto. Naturally, I have also already devised a little 'personal project' for myself... I call it 'Project Birthday'. Basically, the fundamental goal of Project Birthday is for me to take the best possible care of myself (mind, body, spirit - all of it, all together, as much as possible!) so that on my birthday, which is exactly six weeks from today, I can celebrate how great I feel about myself and my life! The birthday element just sort of happened incidentally as I was devising this whole 'self care' project for myself and started thinking about timelines. As my friend Alison concurred when we were discussing this plan of mine over the phone the other day, six weeks is indeed an optimal length for a good project!

Speaking of my dear friends who have helped me to feel great about this undertaking, I must credit the lovely Devon with helping me to devise the one and only rule of Project Birthday and that is that there are no "rules". Rather, there are simply goals, dreams, actions and foundational principles. The fundamentals of Project Birthday include trying to be conscious of what I consume and how it makes me feel; Noticing that I feel better when I eat fresh and healthy foods, and drink in moderation, and do not smoke cigarettes at all. So that's an obvious goal. Project Birthday is also very much about 'me time': Yoga as often as possible, an attempt at a daily walk to and through High Park as long as the weather permits it, and of course, a conscious effort to stay connect to my 'Artist's Way' program that I began in St Louis.

I spent some time last week with a friend of mine who reads Tarot cards and one of the main messages that my cards had for me was that "the hidden truth is only found by looking within." So with that in mind, I am going to wrap up this extroverted exercise of sharing my life via my blog and get ready to head out for my daily walk to High Park. In closing, I wish to share with you a poem by Rumi that I opened my book to last night before I went to bed, it just seems so fitting right now...

Listening

What is the deep listening? Sama is
a greeting from the secret ones inside

the heart, a letter. The branches of
your intelligence grow new leaves in

the wind of this listening. The body
reaches a peace. Rooster sound comes,

reminding you of your love for dawn.
The reed flute and the singer's lips:

the knack of how spirit breathes into
us becomes as simple and ordinary as

eating and drinking. The dead rise with
the pleasure of listening. If someone

can't hear a trumpet melody, sprinkle
dirt on his head and declare him dead.

Listen and feel the beauty of your
separation, the unsayable absence.

There's a moon inside every human being.
Learn to be companions with it. Give

more of your life to this listening. As
brightness is to time, so you are to

the one who talks to the deep ear in
your chest. I should sell my tongue

and buy a thousand ears when that
one steps near and begins to speak.

(By Rumi)