I was talking with my yoga teacher the other day about New Year's Eve plans and she mentioned that the two "holidays" that she's not really a big fan of are New Years and Valentines Day. Tell me about it! They both seem made-up and apropos of nothing. Well, sort of. But nonetheless they tend to be dates on which you somehow find yourself thinking about doing something notable...
And so, as I walked home in the snow last night, I found myself fantasizing about all the different ways I would like to be spending New Year's Eve tonight... And if I could be in a million (or even just 10 or 15) different places at once, this is what we'd do tonight:
We would go skating in Forest Park and then party in a suite a The Chase Park Plaza Hotel and reminisce about the summer...
We would make pizza and pancakes and sing "I'm Yours" over and over again until it's 2009...
We would finally follow up on that plan of sitting on the balcony of our suite at The Wynn and watch the crowds in Vegas ring in the new year, from the 'peace and quiet' of our hotel room, drinking and smoking, of course...
We would drink red wine using red licorice straws and play Scrabble by the fire, and talk about being "excited about our future"...
We would watch TV and eat appetizers for dinner and drink wine and let tonight be like any other night...
We would party at your sister's house and drink beer from the keg you bought and I would get to kiss you at midnite, and other times too probably...
We would cozy up by the fire in a chalet somewhere in the mountains (in Colorado, maybe?) and it would be quiet and warm and lovely...
Well, I'm actually still not %100 sure what I will be doing tonight, but I will certainly be thinking of all my dear ones - here, there and everywhere!
Happy New Year All!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
A Year Well-Lived
Here it is, almost the end of another year. As I look back on this year, and prepare to face the next, I find myself feeling really, really proud of the way I lived this past year. I was reminiscing over the last few days by looking back through this year's blog postings... It was a year well lived for me, indeed! So, on that note, I have decided to do a little 'Year in Review' post here and now, and look back on my year with the help of my photos...
Yes, I drove a moving truck in this weather! (And gave my friend Mark a minor heart attack in doing so, I think...)
Best Moving Team EVER! Pictured above: Mark, Me, Devon & Alison (Also part of the All-Star Team, but missing from the Pic are: my ever-faithful moving heroes Johnny Hall & Thea Lim, who were further supported by Brandon G., Guntar K., Laura and Louis!)
This winter also brought yet another pivotal decision/change in my life: the quitting of my retail job at The Bookstore and a return to teaching drama to little ones... I truly believe that the coincidental timing of one of my former employers contacting me with several drama teaching contracts that she needed to fill and me reaching the end of my rope with my not-so-fulfilling bookstore job, coupled with the strong support and encouragement of my new roomies, was all an act of the universe conspiring to help me make my life better... And better it continued to get!
And served it up to a very pleased community of dear friends & family: 
The Easter Dins Crowd 2008:
Anthony Johnston, Louis Marrone, Robert Swan, Pam Pinch, Devon Elke and Victoria Swan!
Aaaaand further basking in the love and friendship of my dear ones at our "Hello House/Goodbye Meg" Partay: 
Meg, Jon & Audry at Six Flags St Louis' End-of-Summer Entertainment Dinner & Awards Ceremony!
It was hard to say goodbye at the end of the summer...
September 2008:
But then I came home to 73 Vine in Toronto, and my lovely roomies Laura, Louis & Henry. And it was good to be home! I spent a lot of time this month just taking care of me... Meditating and walking a lot, and discovering my favorite new yoga teacher (www.movementcentre.ca)! I also worked at a great restaurant in my neighbourhood and made some lovely new friends. But as the winter neared, I began to feel restless and longed to be performing again...
Me as Sydney Mathis and Dave as David Hart... CSI's!
...with roomies Laura, Louis & Henry!
And I got to spend another christmas with my dear friend Robin and her parents, Holly and Paul, and their extended fam on another 'whirlwind tour' of sorts....
And here we are now: nearing the end of December, and the end of 2008 - a year well-lived in my books! It's been great to be able to look back on an entire year during which I feel I made consistently healthy and wise choices for myself, and then reaped the benefits! I am thankful, truly, truly thankful.
Looking back to this time last year, I am also reminded of my usual lack of new year's resolutions (though I did resolve to send more mail this year - which I did, and also reaped the loving benefits of!!!)... Last year I chose 3 words, instead of "resolutions". My goal (and I quote myself here) was "to examine each of these words/concepts throughout the year, to discover what they mean to me right now and how they represent my goals for myself this year." Those words were:
JANUARY 2008:
This year began for me with preparations for a good move. I truly feel that making the decision in December 2007 to move out of the basement apartment that I had living in alone for nearly two years was a pivotal decision. Alas, the moving itself was not without it's stresses...
2008 began for me with checklists and motivational post-it notes:
February 2008:
Finally, my 'moving day' arrived. It was the first weekend in February, and the day after the first major snowfall of the year... You know, the one that caused airlines to cancel flights and such?The one that looked like this the morning after:
Yes, I drove a moving truck in this weather! (And gave my friend Mark a minor heart attack in doing so, I think...)Oh, it was a snowy, snowy moving day - but thankfully I had a great team to help me!
Best Moving Team EVER! Pictured above: Mark, Me, Devon & Alison (Also part of the All-Star Team, but missing from the Pic are: my ever-faithful moving heroes Johnny Hall & Thea Lim, who were further supported by Brandon G., Guntar K., Laura and Louis!)Alas, February also brought a big move for my best friend Alison - she got offered a one year contract with CBC Radio, stationed in Bathurst, New Brunswick! So great for her. Sad for all of us here in Toronto to have to say 'goodbye for now'...
At Ali's Goodbye Partay:
March 2008:
The cold and snowy winter months of February and March were lovely and cozy for us at 73 Vine... Lots of time spent at home settling in, eating dinners together, days spent playing with roomies Laura and Henry, evenings spent drinking wine and knitting by the fire... In short, general loveliness.Here are my roomies; Laura, Louis & Henry at their 'first family show' to which I accompanied them one chilly saturday morning in March:
This winter also brought yet another pivotal decision/change in my life: the quitting of my retail job at The Bookstore and a return to teaching drama to little ones... I truly believe that the coincidental timing of one of my former employers contacting me with several drama teaching contracts that she needed to fill and me reaching the end of my rope with my not-so-fulfilling bookstore job, coupled with the strong support and encouragement of my new roomies, was all an act of the universe conspiring to help me make my life better... And better it continued to get!
I cooked my first turkey for Easter 2008:
And served it up to a very pleased community of dear friends & family: 
The Easter Dins Crowd 2008:Anthony Johnston, Louis Marrone, Robert Swan, Pam Pinch, Devon Elke and Victoria Swan!
April 2008:
The Spring was an exciting time of auditioning for, and being cast in, a children's show that would send me to live and work this summer in St Louis, Missouri, USA! I continued to teach throughout the Spring and re-connect with some dear old friends...
Road-trip adventures - woo hoo!!!
And re-uniting with the old gang from my summer of serving at 7-West:
Always a fun and crazy time!
Helping Nikki move from Peterborough to Montreal:
Road-trip adventures - woo hoo!!!And re-uniting with the old gang from my summer of serving at 7-West:
Always a fun and crazy time!May 2008:
As the summer drew nearer, I began to prepare for my time in St Louis...
Meeting my fellow performers (and the Six Flags America cast & crew), and making new friends at rehearsals in Montreal:
Basking in the love of my 'Keeps it Real' crew at the SURPRISE good-bye party that they threw for me!!!
Aaaaand further basking in the love and friendship of my dear ones at our "Hello House/Goodbye Meg" Partay: 
June, July & August 2008:
My Summer of Six Flags St Louis!!!
My New Friends at Six Flags St Louis: 
My fabulous colleagues and roomates and I being good 'Canades' on Canada Day 2008:
Me with my Best Besties Evs:
My Summer of Six Flags St Louis!!!
America The Beautiful:
My New Friends at Six Flags St Louis: 
My fabulous colleagues and roomates and I being good 'Canades' on Canada Day 2008:
Meg, Jon & Audry at Six Flags St Louis' End-of-Summer Entertainment Dinner & Awards Ceremony!Oh, and my other Bestie, Evan!
It was hard to say goodbye at the end of the summer...
September 2008:
October/November 2008:
Well, on Thanksgiving weekend my desires were answered - I was called by my boss from the summer and asked to jump in and replace an actor that he currrently had on tour who needed to return home to Canada. So two days after this call, I was on a plane to meet up with my new tourmates as they wrapped up their shows in Columbia, South Carolina!
The new CSI:Live! Tour Cast:
Me as Sydney Mathis and Dave as David Hart... CSI's!This twist of fate made for a really great autumn for me - so full of fun and adventure! I toured with two great guys, in a truck, all across the USA! We performed in 12 different venues (and about 9 different states) over the course of 5 weeks! I travelled from South Carolina, to Texas, to Colorado, to Montana, to Washington, to Oregon, to California, to Nevada, to New Mexico, to Alabama and then back up to Canada! And I loved nearly every moment of it!
And yes, I spent my birthday (Nov 2nd) on tour, but I managed to stay faithful to my 'Project Birthday' (see blog posts from Sept '08) and I really was able to celebrate how well I'd taken care of myself and feel excited about the year ahead of me!
My Cowboys, er, I mean tour-mates Bryan & Dave in Wyoming:
Enjoying our two days off... in Vegas!!!
December 2008:
And the next thing I knew, it was December... I returned home from my whirlwind tour at the end of November, full of good memories and good feelings. But it was nice to be home again..."Home for the Holidays"...
...with roomies Laura, Louis & Henry!Laura even made me (well, decorated with Triple M's) my own stocking to hang by the fireplace!
And I got to spend another christmas with my dear friend Robin and her parents, Holly and Paul, and their extended fam on another 'whirlwind tour' of sorts....
Holly with her parents on Christmas Day at her sister's place in Kingston:
Robin & Ethan, also on Christmas Day:
"Best Friends" / "Sisters" Reunite for Holiday Happiness:
And here we are now: nearing the end of December, and the end of 2008 - a year well-lived in my books! It's been great to be able to look back on an entire year during which I feel I made consistently healthy and wise choices for myself, and then reaped the benefits! I am thankful, truly, truly thankful.
Looking back to this time last year, I am also reminded of my usual lack of new year's resolutions (though I did resolve to send more mail this year - which I did, and also reaped the loving benefits of!!!)... Last year I chose 3 words, instead of "resolutions". My goal (and I quote myself here) was "to examine each of these words/concepts throughout the year, to discover what they mean to me right now and how they represent my goals for myself this year." Those words were:
Community
Balance
Truth
Balance
Truth
Well, that was a pretty cool idea, if I do say so myself. And I certainly did examine each of those concepts, and their ever-changing meaning and relevance to me, constantly, throughout 2008. I liked this idea so much, that I decided I would do the same for 2009. My words for 2009 came to me a few days (maybe weeks?) ago, strangely enough with the assistance of my 2 year-old roomate Henry (don't ask how he helped, he just did.)
And so again, my "New Year's Goal" will be to examine the following words... what they mean to me now, and how my relationship with these notions will surely change and evolved over time. I shall examine both my desires for these concepts, as well as how they repell me or how I avoid them. In 2009, I shall examine my relationship to...
And so again, my "New Year's Goal" will be to examine the following words... what they mean to me now, and how my relationship with these notions will surely change and evolved over time. I shall examine both my desires for these concepts, as well as how they repell me or how I avoid them. In 2009, I shall examine my relationship to...
Adventure
Stability
Fear
Stability
Fear
And I'll keep trying to send at least one piece of real mail per week - so keep sending me your updated mailing addresses my dear ones!
And so, until your eyes meet my words on the screen again, I wish you all the very best that 2009 has to offer you, as well as all the best that you have to offer the world in 2009!
"Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist - keep fighting & keep loving!"
*NAMASTE*
And so, until your eyes meet my words on the screen again, I wish you all the very best that 2009 has to offer you, as well as all the best that you have to offer the world in 2009!
"Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist - keep fighting & keep loving!"
*NAMASTE*
Saturday, December 20, 2008
From My Heart to Yours:
Well here it is, Christmas Eve Day, and I am happy. Really and truly. And this is something worth noting, I think.
I realised it a few days ago, but it seemed to have crept slowly and subtly in... I'm talking about my 'christmas spirit' of course. It all started a few days ago now, with me humming christmas carols and my roomate Laura noticing and calling me on it. It was then that I suddennly realised that I was truly feeling excited about the holidays. It was then that I also realised that I had not felt this way in a long, long time. After admitting that I was indeed feeling the return of my 'christmas spirit', I regaled Laura with the tale of the last time I remembered genuinely feeling this way...
It was about 11 years ago...
I was 16 and in grade 11. I had spent every evening during the last week of classes before the holidays mass-producing gingerbread men and homemade fudge. I did this at my grandmother's house, of course. And the whole ordeal was not without it's typical 'Meghan-melodramatic' staged photo shoot for my snap-happy grandma. (I wish I knew where those pictures are right now!) On the last day of school before the christmas break, I brought all my homemade holiday treats to school in giant christmas tins. Donning my red plaid holiday dress (the GAP's finest circa 1996), I pranced down the halls of my high school merrily distributing my yummy holiday goodies - to everyone! (At this point in the story Laura interrupts to ask "Wait a minute - are you actually the girl from that movie, 'Election'?!" Well, pretty much, yes.) Later that lovely day I skipped my afternoon classes to go to my friend Alison's house to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' - my first time ever seeing that holiday classic!
Ah yes, 1997 was probably the last time that I genuinely felt the holiday spirit. Every year since then has brought many a reason to feel, uh, less than merry... From the sudden (though long overdue) split of my parents in the autumn of 1998, to the death of my grandparents in January 2000, to the death of my mother in December 2001. I maintain that it is thus perfectly acceptable for me to not feel enthusiastic about this time of year. And not simply because it is a time of year wrought with familial expectation which I always seem to fall short on, but also because it is a time of year full of many unpleasant 'anniversaries'. So of course there are things about this time of year that make me feel sad. They made me feel sad this year. They will undoubtedly always make me feel sad. But somehow, this year, they did not take over me...
I have a few different theories about why this is so, and I think that they are all true and accurate. For one thing, I feel as though I have paid my 'holiday misery dues' and put in enough years of feeling the pain that comes along with this season. Yes, some years more than others, but definitely every year for the last 10 or so, I have been clear about my lack of love for this 'holiday season.' So now I'm over it. For that matter, I kind of feel as though I am 'over' a lot of the sadness and depression that has, understandably, underscored the living of my life for the last decade. A decade - wow. yeah, that definitely sounds long enough to be less than happy. Especially when I feel that I truly am, deep down in my soul, a person meant for happiness and joy and love!
Oh, sorry - are you gagging now? Well, it's true. I am full of happiness, joy and love. But I also have a great capacity for sadness, and anger, and frustration, and loneliness... This is me. And right now, I am feeling so thankful to be reunited with my friend Robin, and her parents, who invited me in to their home and their family about 10 years ago now when I needed everything that they had to offer so badly. It is so nice to be all together for christmas, and for me to be able to feel that I am - FINALLY - in such a good place in life!
So, from my "family" to yours... From my heart to yours... I wish you all love, and joy, and merriment.
I also wish to borrow from an email newsletter that I recently received from my friend Grace Ross and conclude with this:
I realised it a few days ago, but it seemed to have crept slowly and subtly in... I'm talking about my 'christmas spirit' of course. It all started a few days ago now, with me humming christmas carols and my roomate Laura noticing and calling me on it. It was then that I suddennly realised that I was truly feeling excited about the holidays. It was then that I also realised that I had not felt this way in a long, long time. After admitting that I was indeed feeling the return of my 'christmas spirit', I regaled Laura with the tale of the last time I remembered genuinely feeling this way...
It was about 11 years ago...
I was 16 and in grade 11. I had spent every evening during the last week of classes before the holidays mass-producing gingerbread men and homemade fudge. I did this at my grandmother's house, of course. And the whole ordeal was not without it's typical 'Meghan-melodramatic' staged photo shoot for my snap-happy grandma. (I wish I knew where those pictures are right now!) On the last day of school before the christmas break, I brought all my homemade holiday treats to school in giant christmas tins. Donning my red plaid holiday dress (the GAP's finest circa 1996), I pranced down the halls of my high school merrily distributing my yummy holiday goodies - to everyone! (At this point in the story Laura interrupts to ask "Wait a minute - are you actually the girl from that movie, 'Election'?!" Well, pretty much, yes.) Later that lovely day I skipped my afternoon classes to go to my friend Alison's house to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' - my first time ever seeing that holiday classic!
Ah yes, 1997 was probably the last time that I genuinely felt the holiday spirit. Every year since then has brought many a reason to feel, uh, less than merry... From the sudden (though long overdue) split of my parents in the autumn of 1998, to the death of my grandparents in January 2000, to the death of my mother in December 2001. I maintain that it is thus perfectly acceptable for me to not feel enthusiastic about this time of year. And not simply because it is a time of year wrought with familial expectation which I always seem to fall short on, but also because it is a time of year full of many unpleasant 'anniversaries'. So of course there are things about this time of year that make me feel sad. They made me feel sad this year. They will undoubtedly always make me feel sad. But somehow, this year, they did not take over me...
I have a few different theories about why this is so, and I think that they are all true and accurate. For one thing, I feel as though I have paid my 'holiday misery dues' and put in enough years of feeling the pain that comes along with this season. Yes, some years more than others, but definitely every year for the last 10 or so, I have been clear about my lack of love for this 'holiday season.' So now I'm over it. For that matter, I kind of feel as though I am 'over' a lot of the sadness and depression that has, understandably, underscored the living of my life for the last decade. A decade - wow. yeah, that definitely sounds long enough to be less than happy. Especially when I feel that I truly am, deep down in my soul, a person meant for happiness and joy and love!
Oh, sorry - are you gagging now? Well, it's true. I am full of happiness, joy and love. But I also have a great capacity for sadness, and anger, and frustration, and loneliness... This is me. And right now, I am feeling so thankful to be reunited with my friend Robin, and her parents, who invited me in to their home and their family about 10 years ago now when I needed everything that they had to offer so badly. It is so nice to be all together for christmas, and for me to be able to feel that I am - FINALLY - in such a good place in life!
So, from my "family" to yours... From my heart to yours... I wish you all love, and joy, and merriment.
I also wish to borrow from an email newsletter that I recently received from my friend Grace Ross and conclude with this:
"Let us hold gently those for whom this time of year is more difficult: those grieving, or estranged or lonely. May their authentic voices ring clearly amidst the merriment and be received by the ears of our loving hearts, as we weave together the true spirit of of the Season."
Saturday, December 6, 2008
'Tis the Season...
It's Saturday, and it's December now. Which means that many people are feeling the pull to do some 'holiday shopping' this weekend... right?
Well, not me. I was standing outside of my friends Devon & Pam's Queen West apartment building this morning thinking about how much I do not want to face the shopping world today, and I remembered an email that I sent to some of my dear ones a few weeks ago... I suddenly felt compelled to share this message with everyone who might want to read it and so, here it is:
(Sent Nov 19, 2008:)
Hello My Dear Ones!
As this 'holiday season' draws nearer, I find myself filled with the usual dread. Not because I don't thoroughly enjoy those twinkly little christmas lights that crop up everywhere, or even the odd holiday movie... No, I just hate the stupid consumerism of this time of year. I hate how it feels like everyone with something to sell, everywhere, is trying to convince us that if we REALLY love our loved ones we will spend money on them and buy them tonnes of STUFF.
The thing is, I really don't need or want more STUFF. Don't get me wrong, I want your love (I think I have your love - no?) but I just really don't need any STUFF to demonstrate that you love me. I also recognise that it is enjoyable for some to spend money on others and use gifts as a token or expression of their love/friendship/whatever, and that is A-ok with me.
But here's my request: if you choose to spend money on me this holiday season please use it to donate to one of my favorite charitable organisations (two are mentioned below), and then tell me about it with a nice card!
IMPORTANT: Just because you are receiving this email DOES NOT mean that I was expecting you to spend money on me this holiday season. I may be sending you this email simply in an attempt to inspire you to send a similar message to your friends & family... 'cause hey, I think it's a darn good idea!
But... if you DID have your heart set on spending some money in the name of your love for me this year, please spend it in my name by donating either to...
"Head & Hands" (a very cool, grassroots/community-based, youth organisation in Montreal that my friend Nikki works for. "Head & Hands" is committed to working with youth to promote their physical and mental health. This is a very, very effective organisation because of it's long history of working WITH its community to affect change in the best possible ways. This kind of work is very close to my heart and I would give them a million dollars if I had it to give!) www.headandhands.ca
OR
"CarbonZero" (a canadian-based organisation committed to providing the highest quality carbon offsets, sourced through the most stringent verification practices, based on a principle of transparency - to help combat the global warming that is happening as a result of our everyday activities, including the use of electricity, cars and planes) www.carbonzero.ca
You can purchase Carbon Offsets to help support me in counteracting all of the touring I've been doing this year at: http://www.carbonzero.ca/buyoffsets
Okay, long enough message.
Love you all!
XOX
megs
So, in the hopes of inspiring some of you out there to buy nothing for your loved ones, and/or request that they buy nothing for you, I have shared this message. I hope it inspires goodness in the world.
Another idea that I had this morning, if you really feel the need to give something solid to your loved ones, is to go out and buy some food for them to donate to the local food bank.
Or, if you want to feel super productive in your own life (like I do right now!) you can avoid the stores this month and spend time sorting through your own stuff at home, and then gather up your warmest not-used-enough-by-you clothes and accessories (I'm talkin' hats, scarves & gloves here - not bracelets) and donate them to a local shelter. If you are female in Toronto, I recommend taking your stuff to 'Jessie's Centre for Teenagers' (www.jessiescentre.org) - a centre for pregnant teens and teen mothers that I used to volunteer at - it's my donation centre of choice.
Okay, I guess that's all I wanted to say right now.
Fa-la-la-la-la and all that jazz.
Peace.
Well, not me. I was standing outside of my friends Devon & Pam's Queen West apartment building this morning thinking about how much I do not want to face the shopping world today, and I remembered an email that I sent to some of my dear ones a few weeks ago... I suddenly felt compelled to share this message with everyone who might want to read it and so, here it is:
(Sent Nov 19, 2008:)
Hello My Dear Ones!
As this 'holiday season' draws nearer, I find myself filled with the usual dread. Not because I don't thoroughly enjoy those twinkly little christmas lights that crop up everywhere, or even the odd holiday movie... No, I just hate the stupid consumerism of this time of year. I hate how it feels like everyone with something to sell, everywhere, is trying to convince us that if we REALLY love our loved ones we will spend money on them and buy them tonnes of STUFF.
The thing is, I really don't need or want more STUFF. Don't get me wrong, I want your love (I think I have your love - no?) but I just really don't need any STUFF to demonstrate that you love me. I also recognise that it is enjoyable for some to spend money on others and use gifts as a token or expression of their love/friendship/whatever, and that is A-ok with me.
But here's my request: if you choose to spend money on me this holiday season please use it to donate to one of my favorite charitable organisations (two are mentioned below), and then tell me about it with a nice card!
IMPORTANT: Just because you are receiving this email DOES NOT mean that I was expecting you to spend money on me this holiday season. I may be sending you this email simply in an attempt to inspire you to send a similar message to your friends & family... 'cause hey, I think it's a darn good idea!
But... if you DID have your heart set on spending some money in the name of your love for me this year, please spend it in my name by donating either to...
"Head & Hands" (a very cool, grassroots/community-based, youth organisation in Montreal that my friend Nikki works for. "Head & Hands" is committed to working with youth to promote their physical and mental health. This is a very, very effective organisation because of it's long history of working WITH its community to affect change in the best possible ways. This kind of work is very close to my heart and I would give them a million dollars if I had it to give!) www.headandhands.ca
OR
"CarbonZero" (a canadian-based organisation committed to providing the highest quality carbon offsets, sourced through the most stringent verification practices, based on a principle of transparency - to help combat the global warming that is happening as a result of our everyday activities, including the use of electricity, cars and planes) www.carbonzero.ca
You can purchase Carbon Offsets to help support me in counteracting all of the touring I've been doing this year at: http://www.carbonzero.ca/buyoffsets
Okay, long enough message.
Love you all!
XOX
megs
So, in the hopes of inspiring some of you out there to buy nothing for your loved ones, and/or request that they buy nothing for you, I have shared this message. I hope it inspires goodness in the world.
Another idea that I had this morning, if you really feel the need to give something solid to your loved ones, is to go out and buy some food for them to donate to the local food bank.
Or, if you want to feel super productive in your own life (like I do right now!) you can avoid the stores this month and spend time sorting through your own stuff at home, and then gather up your warmest not-used-enough-by-you clothes and accessories (I'm talkin' hats, scarves & gloves here - not bracelets) and donate them to a local shelter. If you are female in Toronto, I recommend taking your stuff to 'Jessie's Centre for Teenagers' (www.jessiescentre.org) - a centre for pregnant teens and teen mothers that I used to volunteer at - it's my donation centre of choice.
Okay, I guess that's all I wanted to say right now.
Fa-la-la-la-la and all that jazz.
Peace.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
My Life is Your Life...
Because I know that I haven't been a very diligent blogger lately, and that's because my life has been sooooo full (of greatness), and I keep hearing my friends say that they are living vicariously through me these days, so... in a few sentences and snapshots, this is what my life has been like for the last six weeks or so...
And I got to perform, often, in tons of different theatres...
Big, fancy new ones and cool old ones,
I was on stage, performing a fun show, for screaming groups of school kids, all across the USA...
Fun, fun times...
I rode in the truck and looked around...
I looked back a little,
but mostly I looked forward...
Of course!
I had copius amounts of FUN!
And I still love my life!
I went on tour.
With two guys in a big truck.
I saw a lot of the USA...
With two guys in a big truck.
I saw a lot of the USA...
And I got to perform, often, in tons of different theatres...
Big, fancy new ones and cool old ones,
I was on stage, performing a fun show, for screaming groups of school kids, all across the USA...
Fun, fun times...
I rode in the truck and looked around...I looked back a little,
but mostly I looked forward...
I did "meghan-like" things,
Of course!We spent our two days off in Vegas...
I had copius amounts of FUN!And the road continues,
And I still love my life!ENDNOTE:
I am "home" now, in Toronto (still loving my life!) But I will be leaving again to go and do yet another show, for four months, in Florida. I will be there from January-April 2009 and then... I will be ready for yet another great adventure, I'm sure!
I am "home" now, in Toronto (still loving my life!) But I will be leaving again to go and do yet another show, for four months, in Florida. I will be there from January-April 2009 and then... I will be ready for yet another great adventure, I'm sure!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I know this much is true...
I know that it has (yet again) been a long time since I wrote a blog entry.
So what else is new?
Well, lots is new in my life, and lots is not. I am still on tour, and I am still loving my job and by extension my life (because my life pretty much is my job these days), and all of that is not really what I feel like writing about right now. Right now, I feel like writing about what I know to be true at this time.
So, I know this much is true:
I want love. I have been wanting (okay, despite my proclamations that I don’t believe in wishing, I’ve actually caught myself lately wishing for…) love that is real and true and good for me. And just now, sitting here outside of our current theatre venue (in Southern California) beneath what I think may be a full moon, I realized (or rather, I remembered): I have that. I have so much real, true, good-for-me love in my life. I know this is true. And I am oh, so thankful for every ounce of it.
Furthermore, I know what kind of person I want to be – and in that real, true, secure knowledge of that person, I am realizing that I am that person. That person is someone who, deep down, wants everyone’s dreams to come true. As much as I want for myself, I want for others. That much, I know, is true.
I am also the kind of person who wants to be the very best that she can be. I am the kind of person who carries with her a constant awareness of how I might be able to improve. For this too, I am thankful.
And I am the kind of person who has chosen to believe, to have faith, to be thankful and to be loving. In the face of challenge, adversity and difficulty – I believe that I have chosen to simply walk forward through the fire as best I can, and be as thankful as possible.
I watched an excellent movie recently (Zeitgeist – do check it out!) and it contained a quote that resonated deeply with me:
I know this much is true: I have chosen truth as my authority. And this sometimes makes me the type of person who questions authority, sometimes to the dismay of those in authoritative positions. And I like that about me, even when others don’t like that about me. It is also true that I like to be liked, and thus sometimes it is difficult for me to take positions where I upset others. This is an ongoing struggle for me – but I choose to strive towards taking truth as my authority, as opposed to authority as my truth.
I also know this much is true:
I will always be my own worst enemy,
and my own Best friend.
I also know, all too well perhaps, about the ebb and flow of life. I know that all things must end, and though I struggle with endings, I know for certain that endings are the only way to make new things start. I know well the excitement of beginnings, and I love them, but I have grown to love endings too.
I have also come to know that the more you give, the more you have to lose, but I have never regretted giving all that I had to give simply because I had to face it's eventual loss.
I know that everyone and everything in one’s life is there to teach or show or remind us of something, but it is entirely up to each individual to figure out what that something is.
Furthermore, I know that sometimes life gives us a person or a situation and it seems like they are there for a specific reason, and sometimes this is so. But sometimes they end up being given to us for a completely different reason that becomes apparent only through the 20/20 vision of hindsight. So it goes.
I know that what doesn’t kill us most definitely makes us stronger. I know this because I am still here - alive and living and strong. Perhaps what I truly know is that I have not yet been given anything that I cannot handle (even though sometimes I thought that was exactly what I was being given) and I do believe that I will never be given anything that I cannot handle. Or perhaps I simply believe that I can handle anything. I’m still working on the core truth of that one…
Finally (for now), I know that many (if not all) of the best moments (of my life at least) are small and simple, and can easily go un-noted… but these are precisely the moments worth noting.
I know and believe that so completely that I feel it bears repeating:
And so I shall go forth and attempt as best I can to take perpetual note of the little things – those lovely little things that bring me large, large joy.
So what else is new?
Well, lots is new in my life, and lots is not. I am still on tour, and I am still loving my job and by extension my life (because my life pretty much is my job these days), and all of that is not really what I feel like writing about right now. Right now, I feel like writing about what I know to be true at this time.
So, I know this much is true:
I want love. I have been wanting (okay, despite my proclamations that I don’t believe in wishing, I’ve actually caught myself lately wishing for…) love that is real and true and good for me. And just now, sitting here outside of our current theatre venue (in Southern California) beneath what I think may be a full moon, I realized (or rather, I remembered): I have that. I have so much real, true, good-for-me love in my life. I know this is true. And I am oh, so thankful for every ounce of it.
Furthermore, I know what kind of person I want to be – and in that real, true, secure knowledge of that person, I am realizing that I am that person. That person is someone who, deep down, wants everyone’s dreams to come true. As much as I want for myself, I want for others. That much, I know, is true.
I am also the kind of person who wants to be the very best that she can be. I am the kind of person who carries with her a constant awareness of how I might be able to improve. For this too, I am thankful.
And I am the kind of person who has chosen to believe, to have faith, to be thankful and to be loving. In the face of challenge, adversity and difficulty – I believe that I have chosen to simply walk forward through the fire as best I can, and be as thankful as possible.
I watched an excellent movie recently (Zeitgeist – do check it out!) and it contained a quote that resonated deeply with me:
“They must find it difficult…
those who have taken authority as the truth,
rather than truth as the authority”
those who have taken authority as the truth,
rather than truth as the authority”
I know this much is true: I have chosen truth as my authority. And this sometimes makes me the type of person who questions authority, sometimes to the dismay of those in authoritative positions. And I like that about me, even when others don’t like that about me. It is also true that I like to be liked, and thus sometimes it is difficult for me to take positions where I upset others. This is an ongoing struggle for me – but I choose to strive towards taking truth as my authority, as opposed to authority as my truth.
I also know this much is true:
I will always be my own worst enemy,
and my own Best friend.
I also know, all too well perhaps, about the ebb and flow of life. I know that all things must end, and though I struggle with endings, I know for certain that endings are the only way to make new things start. I know well the excitement of beginnings, and I love them, but I have grown to love endings too.
I have also come to know that the more you give, the more you have to lose, but I have never regretted giving all that I had to give simply because I had to face it's eventual loss.
I know that everyone and everything in one’s life is there to teach or show or remind us of something, but it is entirely up to each individual to figure out what that something is.
Furthermore, I know that sometimes life gives us a person or a situation and it seems like they are there for a specific reason, and sometimes this is so. But sometimes they end up being given to us for a completely different reason that becomes apparent only through the 20/20 vision of hindsight. So it goes.
I know that what doesn’t kill us most definitely makes us stronger. I know this because I am still here - alive and living and strong. Perhaps what I truly know is that I have not yet been given anything that I cannot handle (even though sometimes I thought that was exactly what I was being given) and I do believe that I will never be given anything that I cannot handle. Or perhaps I simply believe that I can handle anything. I’m still working on the core truth of that one…
Finally (for now), I know that many (if not all) of the best moments (of my life at least) are small and simple, and can easily go un-noted… but these are precisely the moments worth noting.
I know and believe that so completely that I feel it bears repeating:
I know that many, if not all,
of the best moments in life
are small and simple,
and can easily go un-noted...
but these are precisely the moments worth noting.
of the best moments in life
are small and simple,
and can easily go un-noted...
but these are precisely the moments worth noting.
And so I shall go forth and attempt as best I can to take perpetual note of the little things – those lovely little things that bring me large, large joy.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
One Week In
So here's the thing about being on tour - well, this tour at least: there's NO time to do anything besides ride in the truck, eat, sleep, un-load the set in to the current venue, perform at the current venue or load the set out of the current venue. Yes, that's really pretty much all I do.
Thankfully, I am in very good company. Yes, I love my tour-mates - Bryan and Dave - I think we are all so very lucky to be with each other on this tour. We work hard and well together, we have faced (many) challenges with determination and optimism, and we've enjoyed some good chats and very good laughs together while riding for hours in our truck as well! Here we are, a week ago today, setting out on the road together for the first time from South Carolina:
TEXAS HERE WE COME!!!
But not without a few delays first... You see, somewhere in Alabama our engine light came on and all of a sudden the truck wouldn't go above 40mph. Our show manager (and also my CSI co-star), Dave, called the truck company and arranged for us to take our truck in to a shop somewhere in Alabama to get looked at and hopefully fixed.
Turns out that getting our big yellow truck fixed was not gonna happen. We needed a new truck. It took the Alabama guys about an hour or so to get us our new truck, but we passed the time by unloading all of our gear, set, equipment out of the back of our first truck and in to the parking lot. And then we waited.
And if all that wasn't bad enough, the new truck was 2 ft shorter (lengthwise, and a little bit shorter heightwise) than our original - Tetris anyone? Well, we got the new truck loaded up and I think we were back on the road just after 8pm. In the end it was really only a 5 hour delay in Alabama... (I wish there was a button I could hit here to denote my sarcasm) So we drove and drove and drove, in the darkness of the night, trying to catch up for lost road time. Apparently the universe wanted us to stop driving just after midnite, because that's when we blew a tire. Yup, no joke. We pulled in to a hotel and poor Dave had to stay up until about 2am for the tow-truck driver who came and fixed it for us. And then bright and early the next morning, we were on the road again - we needed to get to Texas by that afternoon!
So we got to Texas... And I loved it there!
We performed first at a little theatre in Waco where the crew were so great and so cool and we loved them...
Then we moved on to the University of Texas in Tyler, TX and performed in a huge theatre that made us feel like rockstars...
We stayed in some nice hotels...
And even went out for dinner and mini-golf one night...
And then it was time to move on to Colorado, which is where I am now. We loaded our set in to the theatre yesterday and in about 15 minutes I will head out the door so we can go do our two shows here and then load our stuff out again. We get to stay here tonight and then it's on to Montana tomorrow. It's ridiculously gorgeous where I am here in Colorado - in the mountains just outside of Denver. I will take some more pics and hopefully write another blog entry sooner rather than later.
Anyhow, time to run out the door and go be an actor again!
For the record - I really love my life right now!
This is Sydney Mathis, CSI: Live, signing off... for now.
Thankfully, I am in very good company. Yes, I love my tour-mates - Bryan and Dave - I think we are all so very lucky to be with each other on this tour. We work hard and well together, we have faced (many) challenges with determination and optimism, and we've enjoyed some good chats and very good laughs together while riding for hours in our truck as well! Here we are, a week ago today, setting out on the road together for the first time from South Carolina:
TEXAS HERE WE COME!!!But not without a few delays first... You see, somewhere in Alabama our engine light came on and all of a sudden the truck wouldn't go above 40mph. Our show manager (and also my CSI co-star), Dave, called the truck company and arranged for us to take our truck in to a shop somewhere in Alabama to get looked at and hopefully fixed.
Turns out that getting our big yellow truck fixed was not gonna happen. We needed a new truck. It took the Alabama guys about an hour or so to get us our new truck, but we passed the time by unloading all of our gear, set, equipment out of the back of our first truck and in to the parking lot. And then we waited.
And if all that wasn't bad enough, the new truck was 2 ft shorter (lengthwise, and a little bit shorter heightwise) than our original - Tetris anyone? Well, we got the new truck loaded up and I think we were back on the road just after 8pm. In the end it was really only a 5 hour delay in Alabama... (I wish there was a button I could hit here to denote my sarcasm) So we drove and drove and drove, in the darkness of the night, trying to catch up for lost road time. Apparently the universe wanted us to stop driving just after midnite, because that's when we blew a tire. Yup, no joke. We pulled in to a hotel and poor Dave had to stay up until about 2am for the tow-truck driver who came and fixed it for us. And then bright and early the next morning, we were on the road again - we needed to get to Texas by that afternoon!
So we got to Texas... And I loved it there!
We performed first at a little theatre in Waco where the crew were so great and so cool and we loved them...
Then we moved on to the University of Texas in Tyler, TX and performed in a huge theatre that made us feel like rockstars...
We stayed in some nice hotels...
And even went out for dinner and mini-golf one night...
And then it was time to move on to Colorado, which is where I am now. We loaded our set in to the theatre yesterday and in about 15 minutes I will head out the door so we can go do our two shows here and then load our stuff out again. We get to stay here tonight and then it's on to Montana tomorrow. It's ridiculously gorgeous where I am here in Colorado - in the mountains just outside of Denver. I will take some more pics and hopefully write another blog entry sooner rather than later.
Anyhow, time to run out the door and go be an actor again!
For the record - I really love my life right now!
This is Sydney Mathis, CSI: Live, signing off... for now.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Suddennly On Tour Again!
Well, here I am at the Days Inn in Columbia, South Carolina. I know, right? You must be thinking 'whaaaaa ?!?' Yeah, me too sorta.
It all started a week ago yesterday - (Canadian) Thanksgiving Sunday. I got a call from my boss at the company that sent me to St Louis this summer. He was in need of an actor to replace another who was on tour and needed to return home for family reasons. It wasn't hard to say yes. I had just been thinking, not two days earlier, that I wished someone would call me and just say 'come be a performer again.' Well, be careful what you wish for...
After saying yes on the spot on Sunday morning, I found myself flying on Tuesday night to meet up with the tour who were currently performing at the South Carolina State Fair in Columbia, South Carolina.
It's been a crazy-intense week... Learning a whole new show, meeting new people, and then early this morning I said goodbye for now to my new dear friend Jen - whom I am replacing. She is off to fly home to Toronto and in less than half an hour I will be hitting the road with the boys - Dave and Bryan, my new tourmates. We have about two and a half days to get to Waco, Texas...
It's all been such a blur and I need to get out the door soon, so I'll just leave this posting at that for now... Will hopefully find the stamina to write more at the end of the day today... From another random hotel room somewhere in America...
'til then...
It all started a week ago yesterday - (Canadian) Thanksgiving Sunday. I got a call from my boss at the company that sent me to St Louis this summer. He was in need of an actor to replace another who was on tour and needed to return home for family reasons. It wasn't hard to say yes. I had just been thinking, not two days earlier, that I wished someone would call me and just say 'come be a performer again.' Well, be careful what you wish for...
After saying yes on the spot on Sunday morning, I found myself flying on Tuesday night to meet up with the tour who were currently performing at the South Carolina State Fair in Columbia, South Carolina.
It's been a crazy-intense week... Learning a whole new show, meeting new people, and then early this morning I said goodbye for now to my new dear friend Jen - whom I am replacing. She is off to fly home to Toronto and in less than half an hour I will be hitting the road with the boys - Dave and Bryan, my new tourmates. We have about two and a half days to get to Waco, Texas...
It's all been such a blur and I need to get out the door soon, so I'll just leave this posting at that for now... Will hopefully find the stamina to write more at the end of the day today... From another random hotel room somewhere in America...
'til then...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
'Tis The Season to Turn Inwards?
Maybe it is because I am an 'autumn baby' (born at the beginning of November), or maybe it is just because I am the way that I am, but in any case I simply love Fall! I love the weather - still sunny and bright like the summer, but with a refreshing breath of cool in the mornings and evenings. The gentle easing in of the crisp relief from summer's heat somehow even makes the shortening of days bearable. Although "the holiday season" (or "christmas") is not my favorite time of year, I do not feel dread at the thought of impending winter. It will arrive, so why waste this beautiful season dreading it?
According to an email that I recently received from an astrologer acquaintance of mine, noting that (Monday) Sept 22nd was the Autumn Equinox (seasonally recognised as the first day of Autumn/Fall), "equinoxes are points in space and time representing a time of balance and intense change, and are symbolically observed as a time of rebirth." It seems fitting then that I be embarking on an inward journey at this time, and even more fitting that I have found myself revisiting the three words that made up my 'New Years Goal' (see: http://thelightbetween.blogspot.com/2008/01/new-year-new-you.html ). My words for 2008 were: Truth, Balance & Community. My goal for this year was to examine each of these words/concepts throughout the year, to discover what they mean to me on an ongoing basis and how they represent my goals for myself this year.
In some ways I could say that community was the 'easiest' concept for me to explore, but I think that had a lot to do with my personal commitment to moving out of my solitary basement living situation and in to Laura & Louis (and Henry)'s lovely house in The Junction neighbourhood at the start of this year. The notion of community is much easier to explore when you make yourself part of one. I also had the opportunity to reflect on definitions of community, and the great importance of community to me, through my three and a half month relocation to St Louis this summer. Yes, living with the same three people that you work with every day, in a two bedroom apartment, in a place that is new and unknown to you definitely forces one to think about the nuances of community via 'communal living.' Furthermore, being away, for an entire season, from the community of loved ones that you've spent 8 years cultivating also forces one to consider the importance of community.
I also feel that I carried the word balance with me throughout the last 9 months with some consistency, even (or perhaps especially) when I was not exactly living in a 'balanced' way. I think that my mere awareness of my tendencies to throw myself so fully (with a sort of 'all or nothing' type of abandon) in to work, or play, or relationships, is really at the core of my exploration of balance. I also feel that, much like nature bursts forth with life and brightness and flowers and fruits in the Spring and Summer, I too burst forth with great energy in these seasons. Thus, as the leaves and trees and plants begin to retreat as the weather cools and the days get shorter in the Fall, I too find myself slowing down and turning inward. To me, this is the ultimate exploration of balance - balancing my life not merely within the scope of a day or a week or a month, but in alignment with the seasons as they unfold over the course of an entire year!
Which brings us finally, to 'truth'. My final frontier? There is a part of me that claims not to even remember why I chose the word truth to be on this list. But then there is a deeper part of me, one without exact words or specific thoughts, that tells me that I do know, and that is what this final phase of 2008 will be about. This time right now is about moving further inward, to discover all the truths that live within me and then summoning the courage to live those truths outwardly. I'm still working on sorting out exactly what that means and how that will work, but I do feel confident that that is the task before me...
And so now I go, to continue working on the work that is my life's work these days: taking care of and doing what's best for me. Will keep ya posted on how it goes as I see fit, but until then,
Happy Autumn! Get out there (or in there) and discover the way that you choose to celebrate this beautiful season that is all about restoring our personal balance, turning inward, giving thanks, and taking in all the life-giving gifts that Spring and Summer gave us, as we prepare to hunker down and dive deep in to the depths of Winter!
NAMASTE
According to an email that I recently received from an astrologer acquaintance of mine, noting that (Monday) Sept 22nd was the Autumn Equinox (seasonally recognised as the first day of Autumn/Fall), "equinoxes are points in space and time representing a time of balance and intense change, and are symbolically observed as a time of rebirth." It seems fitting then that I be embarking on an inward journey at this time, and even more fitting that I have found myself revisiting the three words that made up my 'New Years Goal' (see: http://thelightbetween.blogspot.com/2008/01/new-year-new-you.html ). My words for 2008 were: Truth, Balance & Community. My goal for this year was to examine each of these words/concepts throughout the year, to discover what they mean to me on an ongoing basis and how they represent my goals for myself this year.
In some ways I could say that community was the 'easiest' concept for me to explore, but I think that had a lot to do with my personal commitment to moving out of my solitary basement living situation and in to Laura & Louis (and Henry)'s lovely house in The Junction neighbourhood at the start of this year. The notion of community is much easier to explore when you make yourself part of one. I also had the opportunity to reflect on definitions of community, and the great importance of community to me, through my three and a half month relocation to St Louis this summer. Yes, living with the same three people that you work with every day, in a two bedroom apartment, in a place that is new and unknown to you definitely forces one to think about the nuances of community via 'communal living.' Furthermore, being away, for an entire season, from the community of loved ones that you've spent 8 years cultivating also forces one to consider the importance of community.
I also feel that I carried the word balance with me throughout the last 9 months with some consistency, even (or perhaps especially) when I was not exactly living in a 'balanced' way. I think that my mere awareness of my tendencies to throw myself so fully (with a sort of 'all or nothing' type of abandon) in to work, or play, or relationships, is really at the core of my exploration of balance. I also feel that, much like nature bursts forth with life and brightness and flowers and fruits in the Spring and Summer, I too burst forth with great energy in these seasons. Thus, as the leaves and trees and plants begin to retreat as the weather cools and the days get shorter in the Fall, I too find myself slowing down and turning inward. To me, this is the ultimate exploration of balance - balancing my life not merely within the scope of a day or a week or a month, but in alignment with the seasons as they unfold over the course of an entire year!
Which brings us finally, to 'truth'. My final frontier? There is a part of me that claims not to even remember why I chose the word truth to be on this list. But then there is a deeper part of me, one without exact words or specific thoughts, that tells me that I do know, and that is what this final phase of 2008 will be about. This time right now is about moving further inward, to discover all the truths that live within me and then summoning the courage to live those truths outwardly. I'm still working on sorting out exactly what that means and how that will work, but I do feel confident that that is the task before me...
And so now I go, to continue working on the work that is my life's work these days: taking care of and doing what's best for me. Will keep ya posted on how it goes as I see fit, but until then,
Happy Autumn! Get out there (or in there) and discover the way that you choose to celebrate this beautiful season that is all about restoring our personal balance, turning inward, giving thanks, and taking in all the life-giving gifts that Spring and Summer gave us, as we prepare to hunker down and dive deep in to the depths of Winter!
NAMASTE
Sunday, September 21, 2008
'Project Birthday'
Alright, so I'm home, and have been now for nearly three weeks! Though I must say, it feels like less than that. As I explained in a recent email to a friend of mine currently living in New York, I feel as though it's taken me some time to re-adjust myself to the reality of returning to my Toronto life... 'My Toronto life', which is both comfortingly familiar in appearances, but obviously subtly (and not so subtly) different below the surface. If that makes any sense to anyone.
In any case, I am back here now, and though my days are often punctuated with pangs of missing my St Louis friends and the strange but beautiful time that we shared together this summer, I am finally starting to feel a little bit more settled here in Toronto. Naturally, I have also already devised a little 'personal project' for myself... I call it 'Project Birthday'. Basically, the fundamental goal of Project Birthday is for me to take the best possible care of myself (mind, body, spirit - all of it, all together, as much as possible!) so that on my birthday, which is exactly six weeks from today, I can celebrate how great I feel about myself and my life! The birthday element just sort of happened incidentally as I was devising this whole 'self care' project for myself and started thinking about timelines. As my friend Alison concurred when we were discussing this plan of mine over the phone the other day, six weeks is indeed an optimal length for a good project!
Speaking of my dear friends who have helped me to feel great about this undertaking, I must credit the lovely Devon with helping me to devise the one and only rule of Project Birthday and that is that there are no "rules". Rather, there are simply goals, dreams, actions and foundational principles. The fundamentals of Project Birthday include trying to be conscious of what I consume and how it makes me feel; Noticing that I feel better when I eat fresh and healthy foods, and drink in moderation, and do not smoke cigarettes at all. So that's an obvious goal. Project Birthday is also very much about 'me time': Yoga as often as possible, an attempt at a daily walk to and through High Park as long as the weather permits it, and of course, a conscious effort to stay connect to my 'Artist's Way' program that I began in St Louis.
I spent some time last week with a friend of mine who reads Tarot cards and one of the main messages that my cards had for me was that "the hidden truth is only found by looking within." So with that in mind, I am going to wrap up this extroverted exercise of sharing my life via my blog and get ready to head out for my daily walk to High Park. In closing, I wish to share with you a poem by Rumi that I opened my book to last night before I went to bed, it just seems so fitting right now...
In any case, I am back here now, and though my days are often punctuated with pangs of missing my St Louis friends and the strange but beautiful time that we shared together this summer, I am finally starting to feel a little bit more settled here in Toronto. Naturally, I have also already devised a little 'personal project' for myself... I call it 'Project Birthday'. Basically, the fundamental goal of Project Birthday is for me to take the best possible care of myself (mind, body, spirit - all of it, all together, as much as possible!) so that on my birthday, which is exactly six weeks from today, I can celebrate how great I feel about myself and my life! The birthday element just sort of happened incidentally as I was devising this whole 'self care' project for myself and started thinking about timelines. As my friend Alison concurred when we were discussing this plan of mine over the phone the other day, six weeks is indeed an optimal length for a good project!
Speaking of my dear friends who have helped me to feel great about this undertaking, I must credit the lovely Devon with helping me to devise the one and only rule of Project Birthday and that is that there are no "rules". Rather, there are simply goals, dreams, actions and foundational principles. The fundamentals of Project Birthday include trying to be conscious of what I consume and how it makes me feel; Noticing that I feel better when I eat fresh and healthy foods, and drink in moderation, and do not smoke cigarettes at all. So that's an obvious goal. Project Birthday is also very much about 'me time': Yoga as often as possible, an attempt at a daily walk to and through High Park as long as the weather permits it, and of course, a conscious effort to stay connect to my 'Artist's Way' program that I began in St Louis.
I spent some time last week with a friend of mine who reads Tarot cards and one of the main messages that my cards had for me was that "the hidden truth is only found by looking within." So with that in mind, I am going to wrap up this extroverted exercise of sharing my life via my blog and get ready to head out for my daily walk to High Park. In closing, I wish to share with you a poem by Rumi that I opened my book to last night before I went to bed, it just seems so fitting right now...
Listening
What is the deep listening? Sama is
a greeting from the secret ones inside
the heart, a letter. The branches of
your intelligence grow new leaves in
the wind of this listening. The body
reaches a peace. Rooster sound comes,
reminding you of your love for dawn.
The reed flute and the singer's lips:
the knack of how spirit breathes into
us becomes as simple and ordinary as
eating and drinking. The dead rise with
the pleasure of listening. If someone
can't hear a trumpet melody, sprinkle
dirt on his head and declare him dead.
Listen and feel the beauty of your
separation, the unsayable absence.
There's a moon inside every human being.
Learn to be companions with it. Give
more of your life to this listening. As
brightness is to time, so you are to
the one who talks to the deep ear in
your chest. I should sell my tongue
and buy a thousand ears when that
one steps near and begins to speak.
(By Rumi)
What is the deep listening? Sama is
a greeting from the secret ones inside
the heart, a letter. The branches of
your intelligence grow new leaves in
the wind of this listening. The body
reaches a peace. Rooster sound comes,
reminding you of your love for dawn.
The reed flute and the singer's lips:
the knack of how spirit breathes into
us becomes as simple and ordinary as
eating and drinking. The dead rise with
the pleasure of listening. If someone
can't hear a trumpet melody, sprinkle
dirt on his head and declare him dead.
Listen and feel the beauty of your
separation, the unsayable absence.
There's a moon inside every human being.
Learn to be companions with it. Give
more of your life to this listening. As
brightness is to time, so you are to
the one who talks to the deep ear in
your chest. I should sell my tongue
and buy a thousand ears when that
one steps near and begins to speak.
(By Rumi)
Friday, August 8, 2008
"The time has come, to talk of many things..."
Once again, I know, it's been so long since I last found the time to write and post on this here blog o' mine... Alas. It's not for lack of things to write about... No, it's certainly not that. In fact, it's probably the exact opposite.
I know, I know, it's not exactly news to hear that I am "busy" here (or wherever I seem to be!), but maybe I can make my busyness in to some form of "news" to share - I mean, isn't that what this blog is all about?
Well, I guess I'll start a few weeks back... Probably just a mere few days after my last post on here, I decided that living in the suburbs of St Louis County in a two bedroom apartment with three (albeit lovely) roomates/co-workers was driving me INSANE. So I made my great escape to the city.
ABOVE: My hotel, as viewed by me at dusk on Sunday evening as I walked through the Riverfront-Archway park to take myself out to dinner in the historic 'Laclede's Landing' area...
BELOW: Sunday Morning in my hotel room; Upon being dropped off downtown by my generous co-worker/roomate Adam, SnoBear and I checked in to our hotel room and got excited about our KING-SIZED bed!!!
AND BELOW: This picture (of the famous St Louis Archway) was taken by me while standing right in front of my hotel. Yes, that's what they meant when they said riverfront!
After my visit at the beautiful Cathedral Basilica, I made the long, hot and sweaty(!) trek through the nearby Forest Park (bigger than NYC's Central Park) to the public Art Museum. Granted, walking for 45 minutes at the hottest time of the day in late July in St Louis might not have been my best plan... When I arrived at the art museum, I went to the public restrooms because I was so hot and sweaty that I had to go in to a stall and I actually took my dress off and literally wrang the sweat out of it. I looked as though I had been dumped with a bucket of water! (I only wish it had've been water - I was sooooo hot!!!)
Anyhow, I spent some time with an incredible exhibit of photographs by Gordon Parks... With the help of good ol' Wikipedia, I will tell you that "Gordon Parks (November 30, 1912 – March 7, 2006) was a groundbreaking American photographer, musician, poet, novelist, journalist, activist and film director. He is best remembered for his photo essays for Life magazine and as the director of the 1971 film Shaft." Basically the exhibit was totally inspiring and reminded me how much I love photographs and people's stories.
After the Art Museum in Forest Park I made my way back downtown to my hotel, but just a mere few blocks away from my hotel I heard something... A protest or rally maybe? I followed the sound and it turned out to be a sort of 'Block Party' sponsored by one of my favorite St Louis radio stations (The Beat 100.3 fm) showcasing young talent in a 'youth against violence' sort of effort. How apropos for me to end up there, hey?!?
So, after spending some time listening to the young MC's do their thang, I ravenously made my way back to my hotel room where I showered (okay and had a glass of red wine and called my best friend Devon in Toronto for a quick chat) and then made my way to take myself out to dinner in the historic 'Laclede's Landing' area. The walk to the landing was lovely; It was sunset and I walked through the park below the archway. Then I sat on a patio in the historic, cobblestoned Landing neighbourhood (think like 'Gastown' in Vancouver) and treated myself to a lovely meal. I walked home (okay, yes it was dark and I walked home alone through the park, but I'm fine so what of it?!) and just as I returned to my hotel room, the power went out in my hotel! So I had no choice but to sit by my window and watch the thunder and lightning while sipping my red wine and doing pretty much nothing... I think it was a blessing sent from The Universe!
The next day I had to check out of my hotel around 11am, so I did but I was able to leave my bag in the custody of the concierge for the day because Adam wouldn't be picking me up until 9pm that night, after my crew returned home from work. I made my way to my favorite place in St Louis - The Missouri Botanical Gardens! I spent a lovely few hours there before heading to 'The Loop' (a hip sort of neighbourhood) where I caught a matinee of the movie 'The Wackness', which I loved.
My '48-hour date-with-myself' ended with me making my way back to my hotel to collect my bag and to wait for Adam to collect me. Then I took him out for pizza as a thankyou for driving me in and out of downtown and enabling this oh-so-important date with myself to happen!
As I write all of this, I am actually on another sort of 'date-with-myself'... The aforementioned date happened during the last weekend in July, I think, and was followed with what feels like a real whirlwind of our last few weeks of full-time performing in August. And now we are just doing weekend shows. We had the weekdays off last week and this week. So this week I decided to treat myself to a four day 'date-with-myself' in New York City! Okay, it's really just four days in NYC because I have been spending quite a bit of time socialising with others while I am here.
Tomorrow, Friday, I will fly "home" to St Louis for our last three days of shows, then it will be time to pack up and head back to Toronto. This time next week I will have been home (at my real, Toronto home) for two nights already! Oh my! It's all happening so fast, I can hardly see the trees for the whirlwind, or, uh... whatever! My life is a whirlwind. But next week when I am back in Toronto I think that I will have some time and I will do some more long-overdue writing and reflecting and picture posting on this here blog of mine!
But for now, this will have to do!
I know, I know, it's not exactly news to hear that I am "busy" here (or wherever I seem to be!), but maybe I can make my busyness in to some form of "news" to share - I mean, isn't that what this blog is all about?
Well, I guess I'll start a few weeks back... Probably just a mere few days after my last post on here, I decided that living in the suburbs of St Louis County in a two bedroom apartment with three (albeit lovely) roomates/co-workers was driving me INSANE. So I made my great escape to the city.
Yes, that's right, for my two days off in the last week of July, I booked myself a room for a night at The Hyatt Regency Downtown St Louis Riverfront, and spent a glorious 48-hour date with myself in the city... It was definitely among the best choices I've ever made...
ABOVE: My hotel, as viewed by me at dusk on Sunday evening as I walked through the Riverfront-Archway park to take myself out to dinner in the historic 'Laclede's Landing' area...BELOW: Sunday Morning in my hotel room; Upon being dropped off downtown by my generous co-worker/roomate Adam, SnoBear and I checked in to our hotel room and got excited about our KING-SIZED bed!!!
BELOW: The View from my hotel room. Thank goodness it was this good, because later this evening I would be stuck in my room during a black-out with nothing to watch but the thunder and lightning and storm outside my window... Well, thank goodness for this view and for the bottle of red wine that I packed!
AND BELOW: This picture (of the famous St Louis Archway) was taken by me while standing right in front of my hotel. Yes, that's what they meant when they said riverfront!
So for my first day (of my two-day long date with myself in the city), I first made my way over to a great little neighbourhood called the Central West End. Which made me think endlessly about my new friend Jon, because he was the one who told me about this area in the first place. I eventually found myself at the St Louis Cathedral Basilica, where I spent at least an hour or so... You see, I've never really been a religious person, but I absolutely love churches and sacred spaces, I just sort of lose myself in their beauty and safety... Or rather, maybe I find myself...
After my visit at the beautiful Cathedral Basilica, I made the long, hot and sweaty(!) trek through the nearby Forest Park (bigger than NYC's Central Park) to the public Art Museum. Granted, walking for 45 minutes at the hottest time of the day in late July in St Louis might not have been my best plan... When I arrived at the art museum, I went to the public restrooms because I was so hot and sweaty that I had to go in to a stall and I actually took my dress off and literally wrang the sweat out of it. I looked as though I had been dumped with a bucket of water! (I only wish it had've been water - I was sooooo hot!!!)
Anyhow, I spent some time with an incredible exhibit of photographs by Gordon Parks... With the help of good ol' Wikipedia, I will tell you that "Gordon Parks (November 30, 1912 – March 7, 2006) was a groundbreaking American photographer, musician, poet, novelist, journalist, activist and film director. He is best remembered for his photo essays for Life magazine and as the director of the 1971 film Shaft." Basically the exhibit was totally inspiring and reminded me how much I love photographs and people's stories.
After the Art Museum in Forest Park I made my way back downtown to my hotel, but just a mere few blocks away from my hotel I heard something... A protest or rally maybe? I followed the sound and it turned out to be a sort of 'Block Party' sponsored by one of my favorite St Louis radio stations (The Beat 100.3 fm) showcasing young talent in a 'youth against violence' sort of effort. How apropos for me to end up there, hey?!?
So, after spending some time listening to the young MC's do their thang, I ravenously made my way back to my hotel room where I showered (okay and had a glass of red wine and called my best friend Devon in Toronto for a quick chat) and then made my way to take myself out to dinner in the historic 'Laclede's Landing' area. The walk to the landing was lovely; It was sunset and I walked through the park below the archway. Then I sat on a patio in the historic, cobblestoned Landing neighbourhood (think like 'Gastown' in Vancouver) and treated myself to a lovely meal. I walked home (okay, yes it was dark and I walked home alone through the park, but I'm fine so what of it?!) and just as I returned to my hotel room, the power went out in my hotel! So I had no choice but to sit by my window and watch the thunder and lightning while sipping my red wine and doing pretty much nothing... I think it was a blessing sent from The Universe!
The next day I had to check out of my hotel around 11am, so I did but I was able to leave my bag in the custody of the concierge for the day because Adam wouldn't be picking me up until 9pm that night, after my crew returned home from work. I made my way to my favorite place in St Louis - The Missouri Botanical Gardens! I spent a lovely few hours there before heading to 'The Loop' (a hip sort of neighbourhood) where I caught a matinee of the movie 'The Wackness', which I loved.
My '48-hour date-with-myself' ended with me making my way back to my hotel to collect my bag and to wait for Adam to collect me. Then I took him out for pizza as a thankyou for driving me in and out of downtown and enabling this oh-so-important date with myself to happen!
As I write all of this, I am actually on another sort of 'date-with-myself'... The aforementioned date happened during the last weekend in July, I think, and was followed with what feels like a real whirlwind of our last few weeks of full-time performing in August. And now we are just doing weekend shows. We had the weekdays off last week and this week. So this week I decided to treat myself to a four day 'date-with-myself' in New York City! Okay, it's really just four days in NYC because I have been spending quite a bit of time socialising with others while I am here.
Tomorrow, Friday, I will fly "home" to St Louis for our last three days of shows, then it will be time to pack up and head back to Toronto. This time next week I will have been home (at my real, Toronto home) for two nights already! Oh my! It's all happening so fast, I can hardly see the trees for the whirlwind, or, uh... whatever! My life is a whirlwind. But next week when I am back in Toronto I think that I will have some time and I will do some more long-overdue writing and reflecting and picture posting on this here blog of mine!
But for now, this will have to do!
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