A Perfect Night?

I was talking with my yoga teacher the other day about New Year's Eve plans and she mentioned that the two "holidays" that she's not really a big fan of are New Years and Valentines Day. Tell me about it! They both seem made-up and apropos of nothing. Well, sort of. But nonetheless they tend to be dates on which you somehow find yourself thinking about doing something notable...

And so, as I walked home in the snow last night, I found myself fantasizing about all the different ways I would like to be spending New Year's Eve tonight... And if I could be in a million (or even just 10 or 15) different places at once, this is what we'd do tonight:

We would go skating in Forest Park and then party in a suite a The Chase Park Plaza Hotel and reminisce about the summer...

We would make pizza and pancakes and sing "I'm Yours" over and over again until it's 2009...

We would finally follow up on that plan of sitting on the balcony of our suite at The Wynn and watch the crowds in Vegas ring in the new year, from the 'peace and quiet' of our hotel room, drinking and smoking, of course...

We would drink red wine using red licorice straws and play Scrabble by the fire, and talk about being "excited about our future"...

We would watch TV and eat appetizers for dinner and drink wine and let tonight be like any other night...

We would party at your sister's house and drink beer from the keg you bought and I would get to kiss you at midnite, and other times too probably...

We would cozy up by the fire in a chalet somewhere in the mountains (in Colorado, maybe?) and it would be quiet and warm and lovely...

Well, I'm actually still not %100 sure what I will be doing tonight, but I will certainly be thinking of all my dear ones - here, there and everywhere!

Happy New Year All!

A Year Well-Lived

Here it is, almost the end of another year. As I look back on this year, and prepare to face the next, I find myself feeling really, really proud of the way I lived this past year. I was reminiscing over the last few days by looking back through this year's blog postings... It was a year well lived for me, indeed! So, on that note, I have decided to do a little 'Year in Review' post here and now, and look back on my year with the help of my photos...

JANUARY 2008:

This year began for me with preparations for a good move. I truly feel that making the decision in December 2007 to move out of the basement apartment that I had living in alone for nearly two years was a pivotal decision. Alas, the moving itself was not without it's stresses...

2008 began for me with checklists and motivational post-it notes:

February 2008:

Finally, my 'moving day' arrived. It was the first weekend in February, and the day after the first major snowfall of the year... You know, the one that caused airlines to cancel flights and such?

The one that looked like this the morning after:

Yes, I drove a moving truck in this weather! (And gave my friend Mark a minor heart attack in doing so, I think...)

Oh, it was a snowy, snowy moving day - but thankfully I had a great team to help me!

Best Moving Team EVER! Pictured above: Mark, Me, Devon & Alison (Also part of the All-Star Team, but missing from the Pic are: my ever-faithful moving heroes Johnny Hall & Thea Lim, who were further supported by Brandon G., Guntar K., Laura and Louis!)

Alas, February also brought a big move for my best friend Alison - she got offered a one year contract with CBC Radio, stationed in Bathurst, New Brunswick! So great for her. Sad for all of us here in Toronto to have to say 'goodbye for now'...

At Ali's Goodbye Partay:

March 2008:

The cold and snowy winter months of February and March were lovely and cozy for us at 73 Vine... Lots of time spent at home settling in, eating dinners together, days spent playing with roomies Laura and Henry, evenings spent drinking wine and knitting by the fire... In short, general loveliness.

Here are my roomies; Laura, Louis & Henry at their 'first family show' to which I accompanied them one chilly saturday morning in March:

This winter also brought yet another pivotal decision/change in my life: the quitting of my retail job at The Bookstore and a return to teaching drama to little ones... I truly believe that the coincidental timing of one of my former employers contacting me with several drama teaching contracts that she needed to fill and me reaching the end of my rope with my not-so-fulfilling bookstore job, coupled with the strong support and encouragement of my new roomies, was all an act of the universe conspiring to help me make my life better... And better it continued to get!

I cooked my first turkey for Easter 2008:

And served it up to a very pleased community of dear friends & family:

The Easter Dins Crowd 2008:
Anthony Johnston, Louis Marrone, Robert Swan, Pam Pinch, Devon Elke and Victoria Swan!

April 2008:

The Spring was an exciting time of auditioning for, and being cast in, a children's show that would send me to live and work this summer in St Louis, Missouri, USA! I continued to teach throughout the Spring and re-connect with some dear old friends...

Helping Nikki move from Peterborough to Montreal:

Road-trip adventures - woo hoo!!!

And re-uniting with the old gang from my summer of serving at 7-West:

Always a fun and crazy time!

May 2008:

As the summer drew nearer, I began to prepare for my time in St Louis...

Meeting my fellow performers (and the Six Flags America cast & crew), and making new friends at rehearsals in Montreal:

Basking in the love of my 'Keeps it Real' crew at the SURPRISE good-bye party that they threw for me!!!

Aaaaand further basking in the love and friendship of my dear ones at our "Hello House/Goodbye Meg" Partay:

June, July & August 2008:
My Summer of Six Flags St Louis!!!

America The Beautiful:

My New Friends at Six Flags St Louis:

My fabulous colleagues and roomates and I being good 'Canades' on Canada Day 2008:

Me with my Best Besties Evs:

Meg, Jon & Audry at Six Flags St Louis' End-of-Summer Entertainment Dinner & Awards Ceremony!

Oh, and my other Bestie, Evan!

It was hard to say goodbye at the end of the summer...

September 2008:

But then I came home to 73 Vine in Toronto, and my lovely roomies Laura, Louis & Henry. And it was good to be home! I spent a lot of time this month just taking care of me... Meditating and walking a lot, and discovering my favorite new yoga teacher (www.movementcentre.ca)! I also worked at a great restaurant in my neighbourhood and made some lovely new friends. But as the winter neared, I began to feel restless and longed to be performing again...

October/November 2008:

Well, on Thanksgiving weekend my desires were answered - I was called by my boss from the summer and asked to jump in and replace an actor that he currrently had on tour who needed to return home to Canada. So two days after this call, I was on a plane to meet up with my new tourmates as they wrapped up their shows in Columbia, South Carolina!

The new CSI:Live! Tour Cast:

Me as Sydney Mathis and Dave as David Hart... CSI's!

This twist of fate made for a really great autumn for me - so full of fun and adventure! I toured with two great guys, in a truck, all across the USA! We performed in 12 different venues (and about 9 different states) over the course of 5 weeks! I travelled from South Carolina, to Texas, to Colorado, to Montana, to Washington, to Oregon, to California, to Nevada, to New Mexico, to Alabama and then back up to Canada! And I loved nearly every moment of it!

My Cowboys, er, I mean tour-mates Bryan & Dave in Wyoming:

Enjoying our two days off... in Vegas!!!

And yes, I spent my birthday (Nov 2nd) on tour, but I managed to stay faithful to my 'Project Birthday' (see blog posts from Sept '08) and I really was able to celebrate how well I'd taken care of myself and feel excited about the year ahead of me!

December 2008:

And the next thing I knew, it was December... I returned home from my whirlwind tour at the end of November, full of good memories and good feelings. But it was nice to be home again...

"Home for the Holidays"...

...with roomies Laura, Louis & Henry!

Laura even made me (well, decorated with Triple M's) my own stocking to hang by the fireplace!

And I got to spend another christmas with my dear friend Robin and her parents, Holly and Paul, and their extended fam on another 'whirlwind tour' of sorts....

Holly with her parents on Christmas Day at her sister's place in Kingston:

Robin & Ethan, also on Christmas Day:

"Best Friends" / "Sisters" Reunite for Holiday Happiness:

And here we are now: nearing the end of December, and the end of 2008 - a year well-lived in my books! It's been great to be able to look back on an entire year during which I feel I made consistently healthy and wise choices for myself, and then reaped the benefits! I am thankful, truly, truly thankful.

Looking back to this time last year, I am also reminded of my usual lack of new year's resolutions (though I did resolve to send more mail this year - which I did, and also reaped the loving benefits of!!!)... Last year I chose 3 words, instead of "resolutions". My goal (and I quote myself here) was "to examine each of these words/concepts throughout the year, to discover what they mean to me right now and how they represent my goals for myself this year." Those words were:

Community
Balance
Truth

Well, that was a pretty cool idea, if I do say so myself. And I certainly did examine each of those concepts, and their ever-changing meaning and relevance to me, constantly, throughout 2008. I liked this idea so much, that I decided I would do the same for 2009. My words for 2009 came to me a few days (maybe weeks?) ago, strangely enough with the assistance of my 2 year-old roomate Henry (don't ask how he helped, he just did.)

And so again, my "New Year's Goal" will be to examine the following words... what they mean to me now, and how my relationship with these notions will surely change and evolved over time. I shall examine both my desires for these concepts, as well as how they repell me or how I avoid them. In 2009, I shall examine my relationship to...

Adventure
Stability
Fear

And I'll keep trying to send at least one piece of real mail per week - so keep sending me your updated mailing addresses my dear ones!

And so, until your eyes meet my words on the screen again, I wish you all the very best that 2009 has to offer you, as well as all the best that you have to offer the world in 2009!

"Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist - keep fighting & keep loving!"

*NAMASTE*

From My Heart to Yours:

Well here it is, Christmas Eve Day, and I am happy. Really and truly. And this is something worth noting, I think.

I realised it a few days ago, but it seemed to have crept slowly and subtly in... I'm talking about my 'christmas spirit' of course. It all started a few days ago now, with me humming christmas carols and my roomate Laura noticing and calling me on it. It was then that I suddennly realised that I was truly feeling excited about the holidays. It was then that I also realised that I had not felt this way in a long, long time. After admitting that I was indeed feeling the return of my 'christmas spirit', I regaled Laura with the tale of the last time I remembered genuinely feeling this way...

It was about 11 years ago...

I was 16 and in grade 11. I had spent every evening during the last week of classes before the holidays mass-producing gingerbread men and homemade fudge. I did this at my grandmother's house, of course. And the whole ordeal was not without it's typical 'Meghan-melodramatic' staged photo shoot for my snap-happy grandma. (I wish I knew where those pictures are right now!) On the last day of school before the christmas break, I brought all my homemade holiday treats to school in giant christmas tins. Donning my red plaid holiday dress (the GAP's finest circa 1996), I pranced down the halls of my high school merrily distributing my yummy holiday goodies - to everyone! (At this point in the story Laura interrupts to ask "Wait a minute - are you actually the girl from that movie, 'Election'?!" Well, pretty much, yes.) Later that lovely day I skipped my afternoon classes to go to my friend Alison's house to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' - my first time ever seeing that holiday classic!

Ah yes, 1997 was probably the last time that I genuinely felt the holiday spirit. Every year since then has brought many a reason to feel, uh, less than merry... From the sudden (though long overdue) split of my parents in the autumn of 1998, to the death of my grandparents in January 2000, to the death of my mother in December 2001. I maintain that it is thus perfectly acceptable for me to not feel enthusiastic about this time of year. And not simply because it is a time of year wrought with familial expectation which I always seem to fall short on, but also because it is a time of year full of many unpleasant 'anniversaries'. So of course there are things about this time of year that make me feel sad. They made me feel sad this year. They will undoubtedly always make me feel sad. But somehow, this year, they did not take over me...

I have a few different theories about why this is so, and I think that they are all true and accurate. For one thing, I feel as though I have paid my 'holiday misery dues' and put in enough years of feeling the pain that comes along with this season. Yes, some years more than others, but definitely every year for the last 10 or so, I have been clear about my lack of love for this 'holiday season.' So now I'm over it. For that matter, I kind of feel as though I am 'over' a lot of the sadness and depression that has, understandably, underscored the living of my life for the last decade. A decade - wow. yeah, that definitely sounds long enough to be less than happy. Especially when I feel that I truly am, deep down in my soul, a person meant for happiness and joy and love!

Oh, sorry - are you gagging now? Well, it's true. I am full of happiness, joy and love. But I also have a great capacity for sadness, and anger, and frustration, and loneliness... This is me. And right now, I am feeling so thankful to be reunited with my friend Robin, and her parents, who invited me in to their home and their family about 10 years ago now when I needed everything that they had to offer so badly. It is so nice to be all together for christmas, and for me to be able to feel that I am - FINALLY - in such a good place in life!

So, from my "family" to yours... From my heart to yours... I wish you all love, and joy, and merriment.

I also wish to borrow from an email newsletter that I recently received from my friend Grace Ross and conclude with this:

"Let us hold gently those for whom this time of year is more difficult: those grieving, or estranged or lonely. May their authentic voices ring clearly amidst the merriment and be received by the ears of our loving hearts, as we weave together the true spirit of of the Season."

'Tis the Season...

It's Saturday, and it's December now. Which means that many people are feeling the pull to do some 'holiday shopping' this weekend... right?

Well, not me. I was standing outside of my friends Devon & Pam's Queen West apartment building this morning thinking about how much I do not want to face the shopping world today, and I remembered an email that I sent to some of my dear ones a few weeks ago... I suddenly felt compelled to share this message with everyone who might want to read it and so, here it is:

(Sent Nov 19, 2008:)

Hello My Dear Ones!

As this 'holiday season' draws nearer, I find myself filled with the usual dread. Not because I don't thoroughly enjoy those twinkly little christmas lights that crop up everywhere, or even the odd holiday movie... No, I just hate the stupid consumerism of this time of year. I hate how it feels like everyone with something to sell, everywhere, is trying to convince us that if we REALLY love our loved ones we will spend money on them and buy them tonnes of STUFF.

The thing is, I really don't need or want more STUFF. Don't get me wrong, I want your love (I think I have your love - no?) but I just really don't need any STUFF to demonstrate that you love me. I also recognise that it is enjoyable for some to spend money on others and use gifts as a token or expression of their love/friendship/whatever, and that is A-ok with me.

But here's my request: if you choose to spend money on me this holiday season please use it to donate to one of my favorite charitable organisations (two are mentioned below), and then tell me about it with a nice card!

IMPORTANT: Just because you are receiving this email DOES NOT mean that I was expecting you to spend money on me this holiday season. I may be sending you this email simply in an attempt to inspire you to send a similar message to your friends & family... 'cause hey, I think it's a darn good idea!

But... if you DID have your heart set on spending some money in the name of your love for me this year, please spend it in my name by donating either to...

"Head & Hands" (a very cool, grassroots/community-based, youth organisation in Montreal that my friend Nikki works for. "Head & Hands" is committed to working with youth to promote their physical and mental health. This is a very, very effective organisation because of it's long history of working WITH its community to affect change in the best possible ways. This kind of work is very close to my heart and I would give them a million dollars if I had it to give!) www.headandhands.ca

OR

"CarbonZero" (a canadian-based organisation committed to providing the highest quality carbon offsets, sourced through the most stringent verification practices, based on a principle of transparency - to help combat the global warming that is happening as a result of our everyday activities, including the use of electricity, cars and planes) www.carbonzero.ca

You can purchase Carbon Offsets to help support me in counteracting all of the touring I've been doing this year at: http://www.carbonzero.ca/buyoffsets

Okay, long enough message.
Love you all!
XOX
megs

So, in the hopes of inspiring some of you out there to buy nothing for your loved ones, and/or request that they buy nothing for you, I have shared this message. I hope it inspires goodness in the world.

Another idea that I had this morning, if you really feel the need to give something solid to your loved ones, is to go out and buy some food for them to donate to the local food bank.

Or, if you want to feel super productive in your own life (like I do right now!) you can avoid the stores this month and spend time sorting through your own stuff at home, and then gather up your warmest not-used-enough-by-you clothes and accessories (I'm talkin' hats, scarves & gloves here - not bracelets) and donate them to a local shelter. If you are female in Toronto, I recommend taking your stuff to 'Jessie's Centre for Teenagers' (www.jessiescentre.org) - a centre for pregnant teens and teen mothers that I used to volunteer at - it's my donation centre of choice.

Okay, I guess that's all I wanted to say right now.
Fa-la-la-la-la and all that jazz.

Peace.

My Life is Your Life...

Because I know that I haven't been a very diligent blogger lately, and that's because my life has been sooooo full (of greatness), and I keep hearing my friends say that they are living vicariously through me these days, so... in a few sentences and snapshots, this is what my life has been like for the last six weeks or so...

I went on tour.
With two guys in a big truck.
I saw a lot of the USA...

And I got to perform, often, in tons of different theatres...
Big, fancy new ones and cool old ones,
I was on stage, performing a fun show, for screaming groups of school kids, all across the USA...
Fun, fun times...

I rode in the truck and looked around...
I looked back a little,
but mostly I looked forward...

I did "meghan-like" things,

Of course!

We spent our two days off in Vegas...

I had copius amounts of FUN!

And the road continues,

And I still love my life!

ENDNOTE:
I am "home" now, in Toronto (still loving my life!) But I will be leaving again to go and do yet another show, for four months, in Florida. I will be there from January-April 2009 and then... I will be ready for yet another great adventure, I'm sure!