Comme Ci, Comme Ca

Okay, so it's Day Two in Montreal (well, actually it's Day Three, but only the second day that I woke up here - Tuesday I woke up in Toronto, drove with my fellow actors to Montreal and started rehearsals that afternoon!)

It's 7:42am and, like yesterday, I've been up for nearly three hours now. By choice, don't worry. I just like getting up early, doing my morning yoga, and having time to myself to eat my breakfast drink my tea and of course, hang out a little on the 'book.

So, it's the beginning of Day Three and I gotta say, I'm feeling really good. Not so good that I feel like I have no work to do, but rather good because there is a lot of work ahead of us! And we've done a lot of great work already, and it's all just feeling really... good!

It helps that I love this city as well. Though, I realised something important on Tuesday night (my first night here this week); I realised that although (or perhaps because) I have had such a long-standing love of Montreal, it's not really the kind of love that makes me feel good about myself...

Granted, there were probably a lot of factors that were contributing to my general sense of insecurity the other night as I sat sipping my Pinot Noir and eating alone on a lovely "terrace" (read: patio) on Rue St-Denis. It was the end of our first (LONG) day which consisted of meeting eaching other for the first time, spending 5 hours in a car together, followed by our first rehearsal, and there were still a lot of "x-factors" left for us to deal with; For example, the other two members of my cast (we have two casts rehearsing the same show for different locations this week) will not be joining us until today, I have yet to be briefed on my additional duties as "show manager" and we hadn't even finished blocking yet - these were among some of the "unknowns" that dangled above my head that first night as I sat alone on that patio.

But try as I might to find comfort in this city that I claim to love so, it really only succeeded in increasing my self-consciousness and insecurity... As I gazed at the seemingly effortlessly attractive people at the tables around me and along the street, I couldn't help but worry that somehow I stood out as clearly from somewhere else - because I wasn't as effortlessly attractive? I don't know what it is exactly about this city that makes me feel this way, but I came to the conclusion that I like Montreal so much, and have liked it for so long, that it kind of intimidates me with it's coolness - kinda like that friend that you have that you really kind of just admire and want to be a little?

And then I got to thinking about my other urban love: New York City. And I realised that NYC does not instill any insecurity me. I feel the same love for her, but kind of like your best friend whom you love so much and feel so comfortable around that she actually kind of makes you feel better than you are, NYC brings out my Best Self!

Anyhow, I've gotta run out the door to rehearsals now... more later!
XOX