[Day Five of Rehearsals in Montreal]
As I sit here typing in the cool dim glow of my laptop and the morning light, while my roomate Katherine sleeps soundly (it is only 6:09am), I am consumed with warm thoughts of the beautiful people in my life who help me to know who I am... And I find myself flipping this question around in my brain like a coin: How do we (can we?) know who we are?
I guess I'm pondering this question right now because I feel like lately I've been learning a lot about myself, and furthermore, that this summer will provide me with even more self-learning ops! But how do we know when we really "know" ourselves? (Uh-oh, I think I just heard Carrie Bradshaw's voice-over speaking that sentence in my head!)
Well, maybe I should examine my experiences as of late that I feel have provided me with some knowledge about myself?
The first thing that comes to mind is the nice long phone conversation that I had with my friend Devon last night. As I relayed to her the (potentially mundane) details of the events of my life over the past few days here in Montreal, and expounded on my feelings about almost every last little thing, I felt myself easing into a better understanding of myself simply hearing my own stories told aloud in my own voice! I also felt reassured by all of the feedback and insights that Devon had for me about my experiences and feelings; I felt reassured because she is technically "an outside eye" (she doesn't live in my brain after all) but she knows me, and my history, and the way I think and typically react to things, so well that I trust her reassurances and advice. Sometimes when we talk, and I feel like I am learning something about myself, I wonder if I'm actually learning something new or if I've just found the perfect person to help me remember every important thing that I already know about myself...
And that's a beautiful thought, that I am very attracted to: the notion that we already possess all the knowledge, wisdom and skills that we need for this lifetime, and we are simply here to tap into that well deep inside of ourselves and recall as much of it as possible while we're here...
Or are we here to meet the people that are meant to teach us something? Or are we drawn to the experiences that will teach us something?
I think I'm leaning towards the "all of the above" answer to this question, and more importantly, am enjoying this questioning (learning!) process...
So here I go, off into another day...
and more learning...
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1 comment:
i am packing to move from nyc back to utah, for a summer of theater.
to address your concept that we are born with all of our knowledge contained within us--
it is said by some that the master of the universe gives us that knowledge, all of it, what was, what is to be, who we are... we hold it tight in our developing hands and brains as we float waiting to be born... we roll the wonders of the world and beyond in our heads, marveling at all that is.
we smile, as some photos have shown those in the womb to be smiling, because we will be able to give this gift to all when we arrive.
as we pass from the safety of our mother's bodies, into the harsh cold of the atmosphere, where we suddenly have to breathe on our own, the knowledge is snatched from us, in one quick grasp from the almighty's hand...
...and that is why a newborn baby's first sound is not of joy, but, a sad, pensive wail of loss.
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