The Best Kind of Tears

This is the second day in a row now that I've spent the morning lounging around in my pyjamas, leasurely eating my breakfast and drinking my tea, followed by an easy 'trek' up the stairs to my room where I nonchalantly find myself settling in to some random task... sorting through my files or voyaging around the facebook (ummm, yes, I have files, I love filing things from my life into sometimes sensical and sometimes not so sensical order!) And then - for two days in a row now - I suddennly end up in tears. The good kind though.

I find myself seriously weeping - in gratitude and awe for the beauty of my life and the people in it!

And maybe I am also weeping for all the hurt that I have felt in my not-so-long life thus far. Perhaps part of this weeping is a mourning for those times when the beauty of this world was not as apparent to me as it is now, it was hard to find. Perhaps part of this weeping is a frustration about the fact that the beauty and love and light that I see and feel all around me right now, will not always be so easy to see... A resentment for the fact that 'the good times' are pretty much inherently defined by the existence of the not-so-good...

But mostly, I think I am weeping the very best kind of tears - the happy kind.

Yesterday they were brought on while I was filing some old resume/job/school application stuff and came across some old letters of reference... As I reread what my former employers had to say about me - from the camps that I used to teach at as a teenager, the community centre I pretty much ran when I first moved to Toronto, and even from my high school friends' parents when I needed to apply for scholarships and financial assistance in order to continue attending university! - I couldn't help but swell with intense gratitude, both for the kind words and recognition of these people whom I respect and admire so much, and also for those magical, challenging and life-changing experiences themselves! So then I cried a little.

And today, I was actually creeping around on the facebook, looking at the profile belonging to my roomate Laura's best friend (who lives in Vancouver and I've actually never met, but we're facebook friends - go figure! Whatevs.) So, even though I don't really actually know this woman personally, I just feel so connected to her, and I have this deep sense that we are sort of 'kindred spirits'... Maybe I feel that way so strongly because reading her fb profile today made me weep... Made me weep in awe of the beauty of the world and the fact that there are people out there who declare things in their "About Me" section on fb like:

"I love it when my boy wraps his arms around my neck...I've been waiting for that moment my whole life. I own a restaurant where the loveliest people work. I live in Vancouver and miss the east all the time because that is where my peeps are. I am so over crack addiction. I love revelations...learning how to live, laugh and cope. lately the world seems hard...but by now I know that it always gets better...long live hot days, tanned shoulders and the ocean. peace...is it too much to ask?"

And here I am, weeping again! And realising that you're probably not, and that's why this woman is probably a 'kindred spirit' of mine, because her very simple words and thoughts can make me weep and that is our connection. And it's a good thing. And I like it.

And for now, I think that's all I have to say.

Laura and Henry are away this week, skiing with Laura's parents. I miss them. So I decided to use the built in camera function on my MacBook and take this picture today:

EASTER KISSES FOR HENRY!

XOXO,
From "Mmmmm...bdgaiufha"

or however you say it Hen ;)

I wish I was stronger... Facebook is glad I'm not

I am not as strong as I pretend to be. I talk a good game about how f***d up Facebook is: how it has pretty much been designed by former US Bureau of Investigation spies, how it tracks our every move, message, friend, thought, etc., and then sells all this information to marketing companies and major corporations, how we all love it because it is new and exciting and so thorough(!) but essentially we are simply fodder for millionaires to make more millions, by tracking us and then selling this information... Yeah, I still believe all of this, but I am weak. About a week ago I caved in and joined Facebook.

When I first joined, it was because a group of women that I used to run a dance company with told me that it was their primary method of communication. Not wanting to miss a social engagement with these ladies whom I see rarely enough as it is, I reluctantly signed on to Facebook. But I immediately posted on my own wall, stating my disdain for Facebook, a link to an informative website about the evils of Facebook, and declaring that I was only on there to make brunch plans with the OHDC ladies. Even though I don't even like brunch!

I also made a few other ground rules for myself:
1. I would not post a photo of myself (i used a photo of a beach in Africa that a friend took instead)

2. I would not enter ANY information about myself on my "profile"

3. I would not seek out any friends (or do any other active Facebook actions, like writing on friends' walls, commenting on photos, etc.) but rather, I would let the masses come to me, and I would allow my friend count to build slowly, through my "word of mouth campaign"

I have since broken ALL of those rules. And it's barely been a week.

Not only that, but I end up talking about Facebook all the time now too. And here I am writing about it - ACK!!! This has got to stop!

It is a beautifully sunshiney day out there today, and I've already taken one stroll through the nearby Trinity Bellwoods Park, where it seems all of Toronto has decided to go and frolick today. I'm gonna go enjoy my own backyard for a few hours. Before I head off to my first shift at the bar that I just got a job at.

Yes folks, it's all true; I'm on Facebook and I'm a waitress now.

Joy to the world.

Oh my.

Facebook? YIKES!

Uh, scratch what I said at the end of my last post.

There will be NO FACEBOOK for me anytime soon.

Not until they clean up their f***d up "privacy policy".

Check out the VERY informative video about Facebook on this website:
http://www.albumoftheday.com/facebook/
(if you can't link to it from this post, I have posted a link on the right-hand side of my blog)

I strongly recommend deleting your Facebook account if you have one... unless you're into being spied on by major corporations and the U.S. Government.

Go now,

SAVE YOURSELVES!!!