So, I've been back "home" in Toronto for just over 24 hours now, but I find myself feeling kind of like I'm not even in my own body... It's not that I'm sad to be here - on the contrary! I'm so thankful to be back home in my beautiful apartment, that is in the house belonging to my lovely friend Guntar, and to be making plans to get together with many of the lovely other great friends that I have here. They are what makes my life in Toronto so wonderful.
No, more likely than anything else, I am simply tired. A little overwhelmed, probably. I find myself wanting so desperately to simply be able to just Be Here - if even simply in my own flesh and bones and space - and yet the reality of my life right now is that my brief time here in Toronto must be spent making plans and working towards my future travels. Tracey and I leave again this Saturday morning for the whirlwind Halifax leg of our "World Tour". Before the week is up I must also get it together and set the wheels in motion for my French and UK work visas, which require the relinquishing of my passport temporarily. I will be needing said passport in less than 2 weeks for my road-trip to Vermont (Thank you American Government for that new law!). And then there are those pesky school applications to follow-up on... I don't even think I want to go back to school next year anymore!
In any case, it's hard to Be Here when my thoughts and actions must be focused on other places and other times. Nevermind the fact that I barely even have the time to miss New York. Though I do, quite a bit.
To comfort myself, I have been stealing moments here and there (damnit, smoking a cigarrette every now and then... Bad, Bad, BAD!) and listening to my ipod... I put on the playlist that I listened to most when I was wandering the streets of NY, and I lose myself in the cheesy, yet lovely lyrics of Whitney Houston's "My Love is Your Love"... And I comfort myself with thoughts of all the beautiful people I know and have known and the times we've shared and what wonderful things are still to come...
And I listen to Beth Orton's "Central Reservation Line" and am reminded that "Today is whatever I want it to mean..." And I remind myself that wherever I am, it's best to simply Be There. And I even find myself doing my own version of "praying", to the universe - promising that I will continue to give all that I can with this life of mine, if things continue to be so beautiful and so full, all around me. And so...
If tomorrow was judgement day,
and I'm standing on the frontline,
and the lord asked me what I did with my life,
I will say, I spent it with You...
Peace Everyone.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
PRE-Post-Partum?
This time tomorrow morning I will be in LaGuardia Airport, likely waiting in a lineup to check my bags or go through airport security or something. And by tomorrow afternoon, I will be back "home" in Toronto.
I wasn't feeling too excited about that fact, until my friend Mark called me - just now - and we chatted for a bit about plans to meet up while he's travelling in Europe this Spring and I am working in South-Central France. And we also talked about my hopes and plans for moving to New York next year, and the busyness of my next few weeks before I go to France, when I will be doing one more leg of The Burning Bush's World Tour in Halifax (this weekend!!!) and taking a road-trip to Vermont with my high school friend Sarah... Oh, the future is so exciting!!
But most of all, I think I am feeling better after talking to Mark because even just hearing his voice, and talking for a few minutes, helped me to remember the fabulousness of my life in Toronto that awaits me, and most of all the people there that I love! I'm looking forward to a whirlwind few days of "home" before Halifax this weekend.
And speaking of whirlwind - these last few days sure have been! Agressive New York snowstorms arriving hot on the heels of springtime-like sunshine and morning walks through Central Park; Days of living with laughter and love, peppered with watching theatre and doing theatre and meeting theatre people and talking about theatre and raising our glasses to the theatre...
And New York City. The land of the Jews and the Irish, and realising that I might actually be a little bit of both - so of course I heart NY and loved stage managing the show about the stripping Rabbi on St Patrick's Day!
And solidifying fond new friendships, and falling in love, and always, working to the bone, and still loving...
Every Single Moment...
I get creative and installation-artsy on the snowy day of shabat
The loveable character of "Christy" - the opening act for The Burning Bush, with the most generous man in New York City and my new friend Joe "De la Heyman" (Uncle to my favorite NYC sketch comedy troupe, the super smart and funny 'Drop Six')
Tracey with Erez - Director of the NY FRIGID Festival, and one of my new best friends in New York City. He and his wife Laura are SO gonna be my peeps when I move here. Yeah!
Audiences wait in the crowded warmth of the lobby on a frigid St Patrick's Day... I think this is what success looks like, no?
Tracey, er, I mean Christy & Megs steal one last backstage moment together before the final NY FRIGID Fest performance of The Burning Bush. In case you're wondering, this is what Jewish bling looks like (Big Sis & Lil Sis versions, respectively)
And so we beat on, boats against the current... or something like that.
NAMASTE
I wasn't feeling too excited about that fact, until my friend Mark called me - just now - and we chatted for a bit about plans to meet up while he's travelling in Europe this Spring and I am working in South-Central France. And we also talked about my hopes and plans for moving to New York next year, and the busyness of my next few weeks before I go to France, when I will be doing one more leg of The Burning Bush's World Tour in Halifax (this weekend!!!) and taking a road-trip to Vermont with my high school friend Sarah... Oh, the future is so exciting!!
But most of all, I think I am feeling better after talking to Mark because even just hearing his voice, and talking for a few minutes, helped me to remember the fabulousness of my life in Toronto that awaits me, and most of all the people there that I love! I'm looking forward to a whirlwind few days of "home" before Halifax this weekend.
And speaking of whirlwind - these last few days sure have been! Agressive New York snowstorms arriving hot on the heels of springtime-like sunshine and morning walks through Central Park; Days of living with laughter and love, peppered with watching theatre and doing theatre and meeting theatre people and talking about theatre and raising our glasses to the theatre...
And New York City. The land of the Jews and the Irish, and realising that I might actually be a little bit of both - so of course I heart NY and loved stage managing the show about the stripping Rabbi on St Patrick's Day!
And solidifying fond new friendships, and falling in love, and always, working to the bone, and still loving...
Every Single Moment...
I get creative and installation-artsy on the snowy day of shabat
The loveable character of "Christy" - the opening act for The Burning Bush, with the most generous man in New York City and my new friend Joe "De la Heyman" (Uncle to my favorite NYC sketch comedy troupe, the super smart and funny 'Drop Six')
Tracey with Erez - Director of the NY FRIGID Festival, and one of my new best friends in New York City. He and his wife Laura are SO gonna be my peeps when I move here. Yeah!
Audiences wait in the crowded warmth of the lobby on a frigid St Patrick's Day... I think this is what success looks like, no?
Tracey, er, I mean Christy & Megs steal one last backstage moment together before the final NY FRIGID Fest performance of The Burning Bush. In case you're wondering, this is what Jewish bling looks like (Big Sis & Lil Sis versions, respectively)And so we beat on, boats against the current... or something like that.
NAMASTE
Friday, March 16, 2007
The City Was My Boyfriend
Dear Toronto,
Oh, where to begin? You know, these letters are never easy. But I feel that I really need to share some things with you.
First and foremost, you need to know that you Changed My Life. You helped make me who I am today, and for that I will be forever indebted to you! When we met, just over six years ago now, I was in a crazy place - emotionally, mentally… Hell, I was 18 and about to move in with my first real boyfriend – what?! Anyhow, you took me in right away. And I fell in love with you quickly and easily.
You need to believe me when I tell you that it was so easy for me to love you – you were everything I’d always wanted, and all that I could handle at that point in my life. You were busy and bustling, full of flagship stores and “Centre of the Universe” energy. You were new and exciting and full of the potential of my own future. You were the new home of most of my best friends, and best of all, you were not at all the place where I grew up. Theoretically, I could understand what some native Torontonians had to bitch about when they complained of your frigid weather and your lack of natural beauty, but in my heart I loved you unconditionally.
I made you My Home. You were the first home I ever made for myself. And that ain’t nothin’. How comforting it was, each time that I had to leave you – for funeral after funeral in BC, followed eventually by some experimental trips “just for… fun?” – to have that reassuring, heart-felt feeling in the centre of my being each time that my plane touched down at Pearson Airport, that I had once again arrived at Home. And how impressed I have come to be with myself for having had the ability to make such a home of you and your sprawling yet densely populated self!
I can proudly say that I have come to know you very well. And not just your popular side! I am quite confident that in a mere six and a half years, I was able to get to know you inside and out, far and wide… And from your Harbourfront that reminded me of my childhood home (in a nice way) to your imposing Bay Street; From my 6 year Annex home-base to my ongoing love affair with spending time in the east end (yes, even The Beaches); From the UofT Scarborough campus to the community centres of Brampton, Oakville & Missisauga (to name but a few); I enjoyed brief flirtations with the consumerism of Yonge & Eglinton, the sometimes nauseatingly hip Queen West West, Kensington Market and even various surburban pockets of life sprinkled throughout the entire GTA, where I taught every now and then… No, I will never say that you gave me nothing. You gave me so, so, sooo much.
Most importantly, you gave me a place where the people I needed around me, could each simply Live and Be, each in his or her own unique way. Certainly the greatest gift of the last 6 years of my life with you has been the sharing of it with the people who became My Family. And the greatest thing about Family, is that no matter where you go, your Family will always be your Family. So perhaps along those lines, Toronto will always be my Home… in a way.
But the thing is, though I can’t speak for you, and I can only speak for myself, I think we need to seperate in order to keep growing… And let me tell you, it breaks my heart to have to tell you this, but… I’m breaking up with you. You may not want to hear about this now, and it hurts me like hell to have to let go of this deep love affair we’ve been having. But I suddenly understand the truth behind every cheesy break-up cliché: It’s not you, and it is me! And in order to keep growing, to keep moving towards my bright and beautiful future, I need to move on from you. I need more space. I need a city that will challenge me further. It may sound vain, but I need a city that’s bigger, older, wiser, louder, faster, brighter, stronger… and yes, even sexier.
Alright, I guess I’ve said my peace now. I’m sorry if my truth hurts you, but to quote a dear friend of mine “spiritual growth hurts, Rabbi” (Barbara Baumawitz, aka The Burning Bush). I’ll need some time to sort myself out before I move to New York City, which is why I am planning this move for January 2008. And between now and then I will work on slowly weaning myself away from your nurturing breast by traveling quite a bit throughout the rest of this year. First I will be off to Halifax for a few short days with The Burning Bush again, and then on a road-trip to Vermont with a little blast from my past, followed by 4 months this summer in South-Central France, and possibly a jaunt over to Israel with The Burning Bush again in the fall. Hopefully this will ease the shock of my departure for both of us a little.
Oh Toronto, it is so important to me that you know how much you’ve meant to me. We had our good times, and our bad times, but always we were there for each other. I was so in love…
And now, instead of goodbye, I am going to quote another lady whose singing voice I am quite a fan of, and simply sign off by saying that:
“I-eeeeeeeee, Will ALWAYS, Love Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”
XOXO
Oh, where to begin? You know, these letters are never easy. But I feel that I really need to share some things with you.
First and foremost, you need to know that you Changed My Life. You helped make me who I am today, and for that I will be forever indebted to you! When we met, just over six years ago now, I was in a crazy place - emotionally, mentally… Hell, I was 18 and about to move in with my first real boyfriend – what?! Anyhow, you took me in right away. And I fell in love with you quickly and easily.
You need to believe me when I tell you that it was so easy for me to love you – you were everything I’d always wanted, and all that I could handle at that point in my life. You were busy and bustling, full of flagship stores and “Centre of the Universe” energy. You were new and exciting and full of the potential of my own future. You were the new home of most of my best friends, and best of all, you were not at all the place where I grew up. Theoretically, I could understand what some native Torontonians had to bitch about when they complained of your frigid weather and your lack of natural beauty, but in my heart I loved you unconditionally.
I made you My Home. You were the first home I ever made for myself. And that ain’t nothin’. How comforting it was, each time that I had to leave you – for funeral after funeral in BC, followed eventually by some experimental trips “just for… fun?” – to have that reassuring, heart-felt feeling in the centre of my being each time that my plane touched down at Pearson Airport, that I had once again arrived at Home. And how impressed I have come to be with myself for having had the ability to make such a home of you and your sprawling yet densely populated self!
I can proudly say that I have come to know you very well. And not just your popular side! I am quite confident that in a mere six and a half years, I was able to get to know you inside and out, far and wide… And from your Harbourfront that reminded me of my childhood home (in a nice way) to your imposing Bay Street; From my 6 year Annex home-base to my ongoing love affair with spending time in the east end (yes, even The Beaches); From the UofT Scarborough campus to the community centres of Brampton, Oakville & Missisauga (to name but a few); I enjoyed brief flirtations with the consumerism of Yonge & Eglinton, the sometimes nauseatingly hip Queen West West, Kensington Market and even various surburban pockets of life sprinkled throughout the entire GTA, where I taught every now and then… No, I will never say that you gave me nothing. You gave me so, so, sooo much.
Most importantly, you gave me a place where the people I needed around me, could each simply Live and Be, each in his or her own unique way. Certainly the greatest gift of the last 6 years of my life with you has been the sharing of it with the people who became My Family. And the greatest thing about Family, is that no matter where you go, your Family will always be your Family. So perhaps along those lines, Toronto will always be my Home… in a way.
But the thing is, though I can’t speak for you, and I can only speak for myself, I think we need to seperate in order to keep growing… And let me tell you, it breaks my heart to have to tell you this, but… I’m breaking up with you. You may not want to hear about this now, and it hurts me like hell to have to let go of this deep love affair we’ve been having. But I suddenly understand the truth behind every cheesy break-up cliché: It’s not you, and it is me! And in order to keep growing, to keep moving towards my bright and beautiful future, I need to move on from you. I need more space. I need a city that will challenge me further. It may sound vain, but I need a city that’s bigger, older, wiser, louder, faster, brighter, stronger… and yes, even sexier.
Alright, I guess I’ve said my peace now. I’m sorry if my truth hurts you, but to quote a dear friend of mine “spiritual growth hurts, Rabbi” (Barbara Baumawitz, aka The Burning Bush). I’ll need some time to sort myself out before I move to New York City, which is why I am planning this move for January 2008. And between now and then I will work on slowly weaning myself away from your nurturing breast by traveling quite a bit throughout the rest of this year. First I will be off to Halifax for a few short days with The Burning Bush again, and then on a road-trip to Vermont with a little blast from my past, followed by 4 months this summer in South-Central France, and possibly a jaunt over to Israel with The Burning Bush again in the fall. Hopefully this will ease the shock of my departure for both of us a little.
Oh Toronto, it is so important to me that you know how much you’ve meant to me. We had our good times, and our bad times, but always we were there for each other. I was so in love…
And now, instead of goodbye, I am going to quote another lady whose singing voice I am quite a fan of, and simply sign off by saying that:
“I-eeeeeeeee, Will ALWAYS, Love Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Like A Proud Mama
From now on, if ever you run into me and I am with my good friend Thea, I am going to turn into one of those impossible-to-curb, over-the-top enthusiasts. I will introduce you to her and say "This is my friend Thea. You know, my friend who wrote and published the novel." But it won't stop there. I will likely make her show you the tattoo on the back of her neck that matches the one on my forearm (that I designed specifically for me and her and our friend Tiina to get) and I will tell you about how we are BFF's and how proud I am of her; How hard she works, how smart and sensitive she is, what an incredible and inspiring person she is; How proud I am of her, and... How Proud I Am Of Her! And you might be tempted to say, "I know all this already Meghan, I read your blog" But it still won't stop me...
MEANWHILE, IN PRESENT-DAY NYC...
So, check it:
Thea's Book Launch @ Women's Bookstore in Toronto
Friday, April 13, 2007
(If you're COOL, you'll be there)
Thea's Book Launch @ Women's Bookstore in Toronto
Friday, April 13, 2007
(If you're COOL, you'll be there)
MEANWHILE, IN PRESENT-DAY NYC...
This morning I had the absolute pleasure of meeting up with my friend (and interestingly enough, Thea's ex-boyfriend) Kurt for breakfast followed by a stroll through Central Park. Oh my goodness, I actually just wrote about my stroll through Central Park - I love it here so much!!!
When Kurt and I parted ways midday today, I made a quick pit-stop at the Apple Store (a very cool space - maybe you can find pics of it online if you google "Apple Store in NYC") because I forgot my ipod charger in Toronto, then I subway-ed myself back downtown, where I got off the train a few stops out of my usual way (an exploration tip from a new NYC friend of mine) and walked home through the West Village.
THE best thing that happened to me all day was when some 10 or 11 year-old kid shoved a flyer into my hand on the Avenue of Americas. In photocopied, yet authentic handwritten child-writing it read:
When Kurt and I parted ways midday today, I made a quick pit-stop at the Apple Store (a very cool space - maybe you can find pics of it online if you google "Apple Store in NYC") because I forgot my ipod charger in Toronto, then I subway-ed myself back downtown, where I got off the train a few stops out of my usual way (an exploration tip from a new NYC friend of mine) and walked home through the West Village.
THE best thing that happened to me all day was when some 10 or 11 year-old kid shoved a flyer into my hand on the Avenue of Americas. In photocopied, yet authentic handwritten child-writing it read:
BUY FAIR-TRADE
COFFEE Buying Fair Trade
-----------------------------------------
Products will help farmers have
better lives with a living
wage. What is Fair Trade? Fair
Trade Coffee is coffee grown
by farmers and bought by
us at a fair price. Just asking
for a cup of fair trade coffee
could be helping lots of farmers
have better lives, and it tastes
no different. Fair trade coffee is
actually in most cases more
organic. Just something to think
about as you're drinking your
triple mocha latte-chino. Nah,
just joking. Help farmers, buy
Fair Trade.
COFFEE Buying Fair Trade
-----------------------------------------
Products will help farmers have
better lives with a living
wage. What is Fair Trade? Fair
Trade Coffee is coffee grown
by farmers and bought by
us at a fair price. Just asking
for a cup of fair trade coffee
could be helping lots of farmers
have better lives, and it tastes
no different. Fair trade coffee is
actually in most cases more
organic. Just something to think
about as you're drinking your
triple mocha latte-chino. Nah,
just joking. Help farmers, buy
Fair Trade.
Okay I am seriously going to give up my Starbucks habit. I promise kid, I promise.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
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