The City Was My Boyfriend

Dear Toronto,

Oh, where to begin? You know, these letters are never easy. But I feel that I really need to share some things with you.

First and foremost, you need to know that you Changed My Life. You helped make me who I am today, and for that I will be forever indebted to you! When we met, just over six years ago now, I was in a crazy place - emotionally, mentally… Hell, I was 18 and about to move in with my first real boyfriend – what?! Anyhow, you took me in right away. And I fell in love with you quickly and easily.

You need to believe me when I tell you that it was so easy for me to love you – you were everything I’d always wanted, and all that I could handle at that point in my life. You were busy and bustling, full of flagship stores and “Centre of the Universe” energy. You were new and exciting and full of the potential of my own future. You were the new home of most of my best friends, and best of all, you were not at all the place where I grew up. Theoretically, I could understand what some native Torontonians had to bitch about when they complained of your frigid weather and your lack of natural beauty, but in my heart I loved you unconditionally.

I made you My Home. You were the first home I ever made for myself. And that ain’t nothin’. How comforting it was, each time that I had to leave you – for funeral after funeral in BC, followed eventually by some experimental trips “just for… fun?” – to have that reassuring, heart-felt feeling in the centre of my being each time that my plane touched down at Pearson Airport, that I had once again arrived at Home. And how impressed I have come to be with myself for having had the ability to make such a home of you and your sprawling yet densely populated self!

I can proudly say that I have come to know you very well. And not just your popular side! I am quite confident that in a mere six and a half years, I was able to get to know you inside and out, far and wide… And from your Harbourfront that reminded me of my childhood home (in a nice way) to your imposing Bay Street; From my 6 year Annex home-base to my ongoing love affair with spending time in the east end (yes, even The Beaches); From the UofT Scarborough campus to the community centres of Brampton, Oakville & Missisauga (to name but a few); I enjoyed brief flirtations with the consumerism of Yonge & Eglinton, the sometimes nauseatingly hip Queen West West, Kensington Market and even various surburban pockets of life sprinkled throughout the entire GTA, where I taught every now and then… No, I will never say that you gave me nothing. You gave me so, so, sooo much.

Most importantly, you gave me a place where the people I needed around me, could each simply Live and Be, each in his or her own unique way. Certainly the greatest gift of the last 6 years of my life with you has been the sharing of it with the people who became My Family. And the greatest thing about Family, is that no matter where you go, your Family will always be your Family. So perhaps along those lines, Toronto will always be my Home… in a way.

But the thing is, though I can’t speak for you, and I can only speak for myself, I think we need to seperate in order to keep growing… And let me tell you, it breaks my heart to have to tell you this, but… I’m breaking up with you. You may not want to hear about this now, and it hurts me like hell to have to let go of this deep love affair we’ve been having. But I suddenly understand the truth behind every cheesy break-up cliché: It’s not you, and it is me! And in order to keep growing, to keep moving towards my bright and beautiful future, I need to move on from you. I need more space. I need a city that will challenge me further. It may sound vain, but I need a city that’s bigger, older, wiser, louder, faster, brighter, stronger… and yes, even sexier.

Alright, I guess I’ve said my peace now. I’m sorry if my truth hurts you, but to quote a dear friend of mine “spiritual growth hurts, Rabbi” (Barbara Baumawitz, aka The Burning Bush). I’ll need some time to sort myself out before I move to New York City, which is why I am planning this move for January 2008. And between now and then I will work on slowly weaning myself away from your nurturing breast by traveling quite a bit throughout the rest of this year. First I will be off to Halifax for a few short days with The Burning Bush again, and then on a road-trip to Vermont with a little blast from my past, followed by 4 months this summer in South-Central France, and possibly a jaunt over to Israel with The Burning Bush again in the fall. Hopefully this will ease the shock of my departure for both of us a little.

Oh Toronto, it is so important to me that you know how much you’ve meant to me. We had our good times, and our bad times, but always we were there for each other. I was so in love…

And now, instead of goodbye, I am going to quote another lady whose singing voice I am quite a fan of, and simply sign off by saying that:
“I-eeeeeeeee, Will ALWAYS, Love Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

XOXO