There is only one Today

As many of my very good friends already know, I suffer from what I have come to refer to as my severe "travel anxiety". I'm not afraid of flying, and I actually love to travel and have new and exciting adventures, but there is something about the thought of LEAVING that fills me to the brim with anxiety. I have come to attribute this partly to my own "control issues" (if I'm not around, I can't control what is happening... Which I realise is a joke in itself because AS IF I can actually control life as it unfolds around me when I am home! Ha!) and also I think it may have to do with the fact that early in my life, some terrible things have happened when I have been "away". In any case, I seem to forcing myself to confront these "travel demons" with vigor these days, as I have travelled both to Las Vegas and Vancouver within the last 3 months, I am about to leave again for New York City in 3 days, after which I will be home in Toronto for a month before I leave again to work in the south of France for 4 monhts this summer! Add to that a little road-trip to Vermont that I will be taking sometime between NYC and France, to visit my friend Robin with my friend Sarah, so that this Best Friend Trio can be reunited in the same place for the first time in about 5 years!

So yes. I am confronting the "travel demons". But that doesn't mean I'm not totally flipping out about it. My hands are shaking as I type these words right now. I've only been back home in Toronto since Monday afternoon, and I have to leave again for NYC on Saturday morning. While I am here I am desperately struggling to sort out all sorts of beurocratic details pertaining to French and British work visas (I will be working for a UK company while I am in France, you can check them out at: www.pgl.co.uk, I will be working at the centre called "Hameau les Ages" this summer - totally adorable looking!), school applications (even though I'm not even sure I want to go back to school in the fall, I am sick of wondering all the time about it, so I have just decided to go for it and apply to go back to theatre school and/or teachers college - you know, simple application processes, Ha!) and I'm also trying to make time to spend with the people here in Toronto that I love and miss when I am away... Did I mention that another one of my best friends is flying in from Halifax tomorrow and I also want to be sure to have some time with her before I leave on Saturday morning? Oh my.

Anyhow, it's so great to be home. I love my apartment. I love that Toronto is my home. I love my friends here, who really are essentially my family. I love this life that is MINE. My sweet friend Mandy just called me, and we haven't spoken for about 2 months now, and it was great to chat with her. I caught her up on all the crazy ups and downs that have been my life for the last few months and then admitted that I was feeling a little bit anxious at the moment. She wisely said to me "Meghan, it sounds like you are doing great. You're doing great things... just live your life. You will only ever have ONE February 28th, 2007, so just live it and make the best of it." I think that I was meant to get that particular advice at this particular moment.

It's great to be home. I am going to go now and try to enjoy it while it lasts. Next time I write will likely be sometime next week when I am in NEW YORK CITY - woo hoo!!!