Thoughts From The Bedridden

It's wednesday afternoon here in Toronto. It is very, very warm. I am sitting outside, in "my favorite spot in the whole world", as I like to call it. I am sitting on my "deck" (or rather, our back porch) in a comfy, wooden "muskoka chair" that Guntar so kindly assembled for me last spring, feeling the warmth of the sun against my skin and enjoying the view of the colorful tulips that seem to be taking over the garden - in a beautiful way, of course. Apparently, the weather has been pretty nice here for the last few days, but I wouldn't know. I've been in my bed, sick, very, for at least the last two or three days (though, I've been sick for longer... maybe I should've started resting sooner?). In any case, I am starting to feel much, much better today.

The thing about being sick, is although you don't have the energy to DO much, you end up with a lot of time to think. Some of the things that I've been thinking about are...

My job(s)... I like the restaurant job, and I don't want to quit. I really like the people that I work with, and they've been surprising me with their kindness and compassion repeatedly over the last week or so. The recycling issue still bothers me, and I am going to see what I can do to change it. But in the end, I like being a server. I like working with people. And I like the money too, it's pretty decent. And it's flexible, which works for me and my one million and three other endeavors! Also, last week one of my tables left me a note on the back of their receipt, it read: "Meg you are awesome! Me and my friend both had shitty days and you made us smile!" (They knew my name because I have to write it at the top of all my credit card bills)... Isn't that nice? Sometimes you have no idea how much of a difference a little bit of friendliness can make!

I must confess though, that I did go for another job interview the other day, to be a "fitness technician" at a women's only gym. I know I'm not exactly trained to be a "Fitness Technician" but I convinced them that my enthusiasm and willingness to learn would make up for that, and they pretty much offered me a job. Oops. I think that maybe I shouldn't take it on... A girl can only do so much, right?

Another thing (or concept?) that has consumed much of my thoughts over the last few days as I lay in bed coughing and sniffling and trying to sleep, is the role that others play in my life, and vice versa.

It's lonely being sick. Since I moved out on my own (about 7 years ago) this is a lesson that never ceases to surprise me, just a little bit, each time it comes around. Perhaps it is because I live and thrive so wonderfully on my own, 98% of the time? I cherish my independence, even though I absolutely adore the dear friends that I choose to surround myself with. But each time I get sick - and I mean truly sick, that kind of sick that just sort of knocks you onto your back without you even realising that it was coming your way - I am reminded of how lonely independence can be. Of course, I find that the universe has a funny way of taking care of us... By pushing us to our limits, and then just when I really need someone - they show up! It was funny, I found myself really missing a certain friend this week while I was sick, and this friend is currently travelling on another continent! But we ended up chatting on the phone yesterday, and I felt better, just being reminded that those we love and those who love us, are always out there. I am often reminded of how lucky a girl I am, because it feels like there are many loved and loving ones out there!

Speaking of people "out there", another cool thing that has happened in recent days/weeks is that I have been reminded (or notified) that I have some regular blog readers out there! (You know who you are!) Which is TOO COOL in some ways (y'know, I really write this thing most of the time IMAGINING that SOMEONE, somewhere, MIGHT read it... sometime) but is also a little bit of a reality check. I mean, I'm not stupid here people. I realise that I am seriously putting myself out there by writing an "online journal", and I'm not terribly candid about who I am either. This is risky in a number of different ways...

I suppose it COULD be risky if I ever chose to talk negatively about someone, or represent myself in a negative manner that I wouldn't want certain people to read about... But I try to write this blog in the same way that I am trying to live my life which is: Honestly. Bravely. Kindly. Compassionately. And with fun, excitement and time for reflection. The way I see it, you don't have to love everything or everyone, or always be perfect, as long as you take ownership and responsibility for your actions and are honest with yourself and those you care about. Which is what I'm trying to do here with "Brave New Girl"... And by the way, THANK YOU to my dear friends and readers who leave comments for me - I love it! But I also invite you, even if I don't actually know you, to show the same courage that I do here on the internet when you are posting your comments to me... and dare to be something more than "Anonymous"...