1. On Thursday, my new friend Hope (who is also my colleague slash "boss" at Real Food For Real Kids, where I am working/volunteering) randomly gave me her metropass, which means I have saved A LOT of money, taking public transit for the last few days - woo hoo!!
2. I have received some random (and not-so-random) messages/phone calls/emails/etc. from (old and new) friends that have reinforced the positive efforts of my life thus far - yay! (And Thank You!!!)
3. I am healthy again... no longer sick!!! Hooray!!!
4. Most Importantly...
I have had some F-U-N...
Monday, May 28, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
"Taking The Long Way"?
I truly believe that if we listen carefully enough, the universe is providing us with all the answers, information and messages that we need. The forms that these messages come in however, are often unexpected and/or unconventional.
Take for example, the last week or so of my life... In some ways, I think even my getting sick and bedridden was a way for the universe to get to me to slow down enough to take some much-needed time for reflection and evaluation, of where I am at, and where I am headed. Throughout the last week or so, I have found myself asking myself, over and over again, the oh-so-important questions of:
What are you working towards???
What is/are the ultimate goal(s) that you are working (so hard!) to achieve?
And are you working hard at the right things in order to achieve these goals???
I truly believe that I needed both the wake-up call from my body (Hello! Remember to take care of me too!!!) in order to take the time, to find myself asking these questions.
The answers have come in interesting forms as well...
Naturally, I have done a lot of thinking, and a little bit of writing, about these questions and have found myself reaching my own, intellectual answers. I have also had some random, yet important, conversations with friends that have led me to some interesting answers. And these conversations haven't necessarily been directly related to my internal questioning either.
No, these conversations have moreso taken the form of long-overdue check-ins with best friends, old friends, new friends and even "business" meetings with Tracey! In fact, after our meeting last night, TES sent me a somewhat random email that quoted a wesite called Genius Press (www.geniuspress.com), which provided me with a much-needed reminder, that I wish to share with you, my dear readers, as well...
At this time, I wish to remind you (courtesy of Genius Press) that...
(Among other things), You are a genius!
You are one of a kind. What you love is what you're gifted at. Your talent is coded into your genes and filters everything that has happened in your unique history. You have original vision and that makes you a genius. The only way to feel satisfied is to listen to your own nature; in other words, to do what you were born to do!
And... It's time to rediscover your dreams and put them back on that table!
There are dozens of practical, realistic ways to make every dream possible...
Self-helpey? Yes, absolutely. But still worth listening to? I think so. And I feel like these were words that I really needed to hear at this point in time, to remind me to keep my own dreams on the table, always.
And so, in the interest of using this online journal of mine as my "table", and recording my dreams & goals for myself and for the universe to bear witness to, here are my dreams and goals, both grand and "small", as of today...
* To move to New York City by January 2008
* To make a living working in theatre and education
* To write and publish my book (about grief, and grieving as a "young person")
* To live in Manhattan (one day, at least)
* To own a house and a dog (one day...)
* To make a positive impact on someone else's life
* To be a foster parent (one day...)
* To be able to take care of my loved ones, when they need it...
You know, it's funny, but looking at those things in writing, well... They don't really seem so un-achievable to me, not at all. In fact, that list appears totally manageable to me!
So there you have it. I've recorded it for all to see... My dreams and goals at this point in time, mid-way through my 26th year of living on this planet, from my home in Toronto, Canada.
And I'm okay with "taking the long way" to achieve these goals, if the long way is as The Dixie Chicks describe it in their song... ;)
Take for example, the last week or so of my life... In some ways, I think even my getting sick and bedridden was a way for the universe to get to me to slow down enough to take some much-needed time for reflection and evaluation, of where I am at, and where I am headed. Throughout the last week or so, I have found myself asking myself, over and over again, the oh-so-important questions of:
What are you working towards???
What is/are the ultimate goal(s) that you are working (so hard!) to achieve?
And are you working hard at the right things in order to achieve these goals???
I truly believe that I needed both the wake-up call from my body (Hello! Remember to take care of me too!!!) in order to take the time, to find myself asking these questions.
The answers have come in interesting forms as well...
Naturally, I have done a lot of thinking, and a little bit of writing, about these questions and have found myself reaching my own, intellectual answers. I have also had some random, yet important, conversations with friends that have led me to some interesting answers. And these conversations haven't necessarily been directly related to my internal questioning either.
No, these conversations have moreso taken the form of long-overdue check-ins with best friends, old friends, new friends and even "business" meetings with Tracey! In fact, after our meeting last night, TES sent me a somewhat random email that quoted a wesite called Genius Press (www.geniuspress.com), which provided me with a much-needed reminder, that I wish to share with you, my dear readers, as well...
At this time, I wish to remind you (courtesy of Genius Press) that...
(Among other things), You are a genius!
You are one of a kind. What you love is what you're gifted at. Your talent is coded into your genes and filters everything that has happened in your unique history. You have original vision and that makes you a genius. The only way to feel satisfied is to listen to your own nature; in other words, to do what you were born to do!
And... It's time to rediscover your dreams and put them back on that table!
There are dozens of practical, realistic ways to make every dream possible...
Self-helpey? Yes, absolutely. But still worth listening to? I think so. And I feel like these were words that I really needed to hear at this point in time, to remind me to keep my own dreams on the table, always.
And so, in the interest of using this online journal of mine as my "table", and recording my dreams & goals for myself and for the universe to bear witness to, here are my dreams and goals, both grand and "small", as of today...
* To move to New York City by January 2008
* To make a living working in theatre and education
* To write and publish my book (about grief, and grieving as a "young person")
* To live in Manhattan (one day, at least)
* To own a house and a dog (one day...)
* To make a positive impact on someone else's life
* To be a foster parent (one day...)
* To be able to take care of my loved ones, when they need it...
You know, it's funny, but looking at those things in writing, well... They don't really seem so un-achievable to me, not at all. In fact, that list appears totally manageable to me!
So there you have it. I've recorded it for all to see... My dreams and goals at this point in time, mid-way through my 26th year of living on this planet, from my home in Toronto, Canada.
And I'm okay with "taking the long way" to achieve these goals, if the long way is as The Dixie Chicks describe it in their song... ;)
Thoughts From The Bedridden
It's wednesday afternoon here in Toronto. It is very, very warm. I am sitting outside, in "my favorite spot in the whole world", as I like to call it. I am sitting on my "deck" (or rather, our back porch) in a comfy, wooden "muskoka chair" that Guntar so kindly assembled for me last spring, feeling the warmth of the sun against my skin and enjoying the view of the colorful tulips that seem to be taking over the garden - in a beautiful way, of course. Apparently, the weather has been pretty nice here for the last few days, but I wouldn't know. I've been in my bed, sick, very, for at least the last two or three days (though, I've been sick for longer... maybe I should've started resting sooner?). In any case, I am starting to feel much, much better today.
The thing about being sick, is although you don't have the energy to DO much, you end up with a lot of time to think. Some of the things that I've been thinking about are...
My job(s)... I like the restaurant job, and I don't want to quit. I really like the people that I work with, and they've been surprising me with their kindness and compassion repeatedly over the last week or so. The recycling issue still bothers me, and I am going to see what I can do to change it. But in the end, I like being a server. I like working with people. And I like the money too, it's pretty decent. And it's flexible, which works for me and my one million and three other endeavors! Also, last week one of my tables left me a note on the back of their receipt, it read: "Meg you are awesome! Me and my friend both had shitty days and you made us smile!" (They knew my name because I have to write it at the top of all my credit card bills)... Isn't that nice? Sometimes you have no idea how much of a difference a little bit of friendliness can make!
I must confess though, that I did go for another job interview the other day, to be a "fitness technician" at a women's only gym. I know I'm not exactly trained to be a "Fitness Technician" but I convinced them that my enthusiasm and willingness to learn would make up for that, and they pretty much offered me a job. Oops. I think that maybe I shouldn't take it on... A girl can only do so much, right?
Another thing (or concept?) that has consumed much of my thoughts over the last few days as I lay in bed coughing and sniffling and trying to sleep, is the role that others play in my life, and vice versa.
It's lonely being sick. Since I moved out on my own (about 7 years ago) this is a lesson that never ceases to surprise me, just a little bit, each time it comes around. Perhaps it is because I live and thrive so wonderfully on my own, 98% of the time? I cherish my independence, even though I absolutely adore the dear friends that I choose to surround myself with. But each time I get sick - and I mean truly sick, that kind of sick that just sort of knocks you onto your back without you even realising that it was coming your way - I am reminded of how lonely independence can be. Of course, I find that the universe has a funny way of taking care of us... By pushing us to our limits, and then just when I really need someone - they show up! It was funny, I found myself really missing a certain friend this week while I was sick, and this friend is currently travelling on another continent! But we ended up chatting on the phone yesterday, and I felt better, just being reminded that those we love and those who love us, are always out there. I am often reminded of how lucky a girl I am, because it feels like there are many loved and loving ones out there!
Speaking of people "out there", another cool thing that has happened in recent days/weeks is that I have been reminded (or notified) that I have some regular blog readers out there! (You know who you are!) Which is TOO COOL in some ways (y'know, I really write this thing most of the time IMAGINING that SOMEONE, somewhere, MIGHT read it... sometime) but is also a little bit of a reality check. I mean, I'm not stupid here people. I realise that I am seriously putting myself out there by writing an "online journal", and I'm not terribly candid about who I am either. This is risky in a number of different ways...
I suppose it COULD be risky if I ever chose to talk negatively about someone, or represent myself in a negative manner that I wouldn't want certain people to read about... But I try to write this blog in the same way that I am trying to live my life which is: Honestly. Bravely. Kindly. Compassionately. And with fun, excitement and time for reflection. The way I see it, you don't have to love everything or everyone, or always be perfect, as long as you take ownership and responsibility for your actions and are honest with yourself and those you care about. Which is what I'm trying to do here with "Brave New Girl"... And by the way, THANK YOU to my dear friends and readers who leave comments for me - I love it! But I also invite you, even if I don't actually know you, to show the same courage that I do here on the internet when you are posting your comments to me... and dare to be something more than "Anonymous"...
The thing about being sick, is although you don't have the energy to DO much, you end up with a lot of time to think. Some of the things that I've been thinking about are...
My job(s)... I like the restaurant job, and I don't want to quit. I really like the people that I work with, and they've been surprising me with their kindness and compassion repeatedly over the last week or so. The recycling issue still bothers me, and I am going to see what I can do to change it. But in the end, I like being a server. I like working with people. And I like the money too, it's pretty decent. And it's flexible, which works for me and my one million and three other endeavors! Also, last week one of my tables left me a note on the back of their receipt, it read: "Meg you are awesome! Me and my friend both had shitty days and you made us smile!" (They knew my name because I have to write it at the top of all my credit card bills)... Isn't that nice? Sometimes you have no idea how much of a difference a little bit of friendliness can make!
I must confess though, that I did go for another job interview the other day, to be a "fitness technician" at a women's only gym. I know I'm not exactly trained to be a "Fitness Technician" but I convinced them that my enthusiasm and willingness to learn would make up for that, and they pretty much offered me a job. Oops. I think that maybe I shouldn't take it on... A girl can only do so much, right?
Another thing (or concept?) that has consumed much of my thoughts over the last few days as I lay in bed coughing and sniffling and trying to sleep, is the role that others play in my life, and vice versa.
It's lonely being sick. Since I moved out on my own (about 7 years ago) this is a lesson that never ceases to surprise me, just a little bit, each time it comes around. Perhaps it is because I live and thrive so wonderfully on my own, 98% of the time? I cherish my independence, even though I absolutely adore the dear friends that I choose to surround myself with. But each time I get sick - and I mean truly sick, that kind of sick that just sort of knocks you onto your back without you even realising that it was coming your way - I am reminded of how lonely independence can be. Of course, I find that the universe has a funny way of taking care of us... By pushing us to our limits, and then just when I really need someone - they show up! It was funny, I found myself really missing a certain friend this week while I was sick, and this friend is currently travelling on another continent! But we ended up chatting on the phone yesterday, and I felt better, just being reminded that those we love and those who love us, are always out there. I am often reminded of how lucky a girl I am, because it feels like there are many loved and loving ones out there!
Speaking of people "out there", another cool thing that has happened in recent days/weeks is that I have been reminded (or notified) that I have some regular blog readers out there! (You know who you are!) Which is TOO COOL in some ways (y'know, I really write this thing most of the time IMAGINING that SOMEONE, somewhere, MIGHT read it... sometime) but is also a little bit of a reality check. I mean, I'm not stupid here people. I realise that I am seriously putting myself out there by writing an "online journal", and I'm not terribly candid about who I am either. This is risky in a number of different ways...
I suppose it COULD be risky if I ever chose to talk negatively about someone, or represent myself in a negative manner that I wouldn't want certain people to read about... But I try to write this blog in the same way that I am trying to live my life which is: Honestly. Bravely. Kindly. Compassionately. And with fun, excitement and time for reflection. The way I see it, you don't have to love everything or everyone, or always be perfect, as long as you take ownership and responsibility for your actions and are honest with yourself and those you care about. Which is what I'm trying to do here with "Brave New Girl"... And by the way, THANK YOU to my dear friends and readers who leave comments for me - I love it! But I also invite you, even if I don't actually know you, to show the same courage that I do here on the internet when you are posting your comments to me... and dare to be something more than "Anonymous"...
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Difficult Decisions/Dangerous(?) Confessions...
How do I reconcile the fact that I work at a restaurant that doesn't recycle because "it's too expensive" with the reality of the way I live my life? A life where I believe that the only real difference I can make in this world is by my own personal actions... Like selling my car, trying to generate only one (small, kitchen-sized) bag of garbage a week, recycling, composting, volunteering and working for organisations that aim to teach young people about peace (with themselves, the environment, their bodies, their peers, strangers, etc)... With every thing that I do, I am trying to make the most positive impact that I can make on this world, and yet... Something doesn't fit right now.
Big decisions ahead. Not just about what to do about the restaurant job (and yes, it does feel a little dangerous to be questioning the ethics of my employer on the internet)...
Like? Do I return to work this summer for the organisation that I left in January? I love this organisation, I love the people that I get to work with, and obviously I love the young people... But is there such a thing as "a time to move on"???
Sometimes I get so busy, doing the things that I love, the things that I want to be doing, and the things that I think I ought to be doing... that I wonder if I am really taking care of myself. Such an old problem for me: I can take care of everything and everyone else around me, but can I really take care of me?
I think I can. No, I know I can. And maybe all this questioning is a way of doing just that. Maybe this is just the way for me to figure out what the right next steps are. Maybe listening to how I am feeling right now is the first step to making sure that I feel differently, that I feel solid and right, in the near future.
I think it is...
Big decisions ahead. Not just about what to do about the restaurant job (and yes, it does feel a little dangerous to be questioning the ethics of my employer on the internet)...
Like? Do I return to work this summer for the organisation that I left in January? I love this organisation, I love the people that I get to work with, and obviously I love the young people... But is there such a thing as "a time to move on"???
Sometimes I get so busy, doing the things that I love, the things that I want to be doing, and the things that I think I ought to be doing... that I wonder if I am really taking care of myself. Such an old problem for me: I can take care of everything and everyone else around me, but can I really take care of me?
I think I can. No, I know I can. And maybe all this questioning is a way of doing just that. Maybe this is just the way for me to figure out what the right next steps are. Maybe listening to how I am feeling right now is the first step to making sure that I feel differently, that I feel solid and right, in the near future.
I think it is...
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
These Were A Few Of My Favorite Things...
Riding the subway this afternoon, my thoughts drifted... to clothes. Yes, admittedly this is where my thoughts tend to wander when I am most bored & tired (not that public transit is boring to me, there is often a lot of good people watching to be done, but today... well, I guess I am still pretty tired.) Anyone who knows me well knows that if I walk out of a movie and have my outfits picked out for the next week or so, this means the movie was B-O-R-I-N-G. (Sorry to say this but "Gladiator" comes to mind as an example of this.) Anyhow, this afternoon I was thinking about clothes. But more specifically, I was thinking about some of my favorite items... that I no longer possess. And for some very, uh, not-so-respectable(?) reasons. Boo!
First I was thinking about the excellent black jersey shrug that I purchased for a mere $11 from H&M last spring, when I really didn't have $$$ to spare on clothes, or even shampoo for that matter. Oh yes, I was broke then. But Devon was in town from H-fax and wanted to hit up H&M and when I saw this perfect, simple, little black shrug, I knew it would be a staple item in my wardrobe. Indeed, that was the best $11 that I ever spent. This shrug performed perfectly throughout the spring and summer, as I paired it with all my little black dresses (both fancy and casual). It served me and my typically hot-temperatured self equally well throughout the fall and winter, as an added little bit of warmth over my always short-sleeved shirts, that sometimes just didn't cut it when the temperature dropped, like it still does every now and then.
Alas, the perfect little black shrug was a casuality lost in New York earlier this year, the night of the FRIGID Festival Party. (Avid blog readers might recall me writing about the events of this, uh, jovial night... When I had all of the festival organisers running around every 20 minutes searching for my "lost" coat & purse. "Lost" in such covert places as hanging over the back of a chair in the centre of a room. Oh my.) Sadly, I was so into the party (and clearly not really into keeping track of my belongings) that my dear little shrug got left behind that night. And inherited by someone else, I guess. Because although I searched the lost and found the next day (for both my dignity and my shrug), nothing turned up. Woe is me.
As my thoughts wandered this afternoon to lamenting the loss of this excellent wardrobe item, I remembered my hot pink pashmina scarf. Again, anyone who knows me well these days, knows that these pashmina scarves have also become a bit of a staple in my wardrobe, at least 3 seasons of the year (summer in Toronto is a little too hot to rock any kind of scarf, if you ask me)! And this hot pink one, well, it was Hott. And also perfect. Not too dark, not too red, not too fluorescent, not too baby. Just a perfect, bright, bold, Pink. Sigh... That one was lost about a year and a half ago, on a glorious night that was my ex-boyfriend's birthday. Poor guy had me accompany him to his friend's band's secret concert in an empty warehouse or something (a concert organised to celebrate someone else's b-day - no joke) and he ended up babysitting his way too drunk (that's what happens when you have to BYOB, and you bring a mickey of vodka and end up drinking the whole thing straight because you forgot to stop at the store and buy mix!) ex-girlfriend. Oh Happy Day. While he did manage to get my stubborn self into a taxi home at the end of the night, he did not manage to send me on my way with my beloved hot pink pashmina. I guess it's understandable. I can be quite a case sometimes.
Now, not to make it seem like I get wasted and irresponsible all the time... 'Cause I really don't. I swear, I am the responsible one, often times!!! Really! But back in the day, when I really wasn't all that responsible (but c'mon, I was 17 and attending my first year of university all the way over in England!) I experienced my very first alcohol-related wardrobe loss. It was an excellent black skirt and shell/vest/top thing. Fantastic. Stylish. Classic. I miss it to this day. The short version of this story is that there was a wine tasting event at my school, I sampled a little too generously, ended up in pool of my own vomit (ooh, classy, I know!) in my bed. Still fully (though perhaps not so stylishly) clothed at this point. I don't even know what brave, angelic soul got down and dirty and dressed me in my PJ's and threw away my soiled bed linens and clothes, but I shall remain eternally grateful. Even if they did throw out one of my favorite outfits in the process. It probably would've never been the same anyhow.
But yes, these were a a few of my favorite things, and the things that I was thinking about today on the subway. I guess the moral of these stories is... "Don't drink and dress"??? Or maybe, don't drink so much you forget that you love what you're wearing??? I'm sure there's a lesson here... somewhere... But I don't have time to properly ruminate on it, I'm meeting an old friend for drinks in less than an hour, and I've got to go pick out an outfit!
First I was thinking about the excellent black jersey shrug that I purchased for a mere $11 from H&M last spring, when I really didn't have $$$ to spare on clothes, or even shampoo for that matter. Oh yes, I was broke then. But Devon was in town from H-fax and wanted to hit up H&M and when I saw this perfect, simple, little black shrug, I knew it would be a staple item in my wardrobe. Indeed, that was the best $11 that I ever spent. This shrug performed perfectly throughout the spring and summer, as I paired it with all my little black dresses (both fancy and casual). It served me and my typically hot-temperatured self equally well throughout the fall and winter, as an added little bit of warmth over my always short-sleeved shirts, that sometimes just didn't cut it when the temperature dropped, like it still does every now and then.
Alas, the perfect little black shrug was a casuality lost in New York earlier this year, the night of the FRIGID Festival Party. (Avid blog readers might recall me writing about the events of this, uh, jovial night... When I had all of the festival organisers running around every 20 minutes searching for my "lost" coat & purse. "Lost" in such covert places as hanging over the back of a chair in the centre of a room. Oh my.) Sadly, I was so into the party (and clearly not really into keeping track of my belongings) that my dear little shrug got left behind that night. And inherited by someone else, I guess. Because although I searched the lost and found the next day (for both my dignity and my shrug), nothing turned up. Woe is me.
As my thoughts wandered this afternoon to lamenting the loss of this excellent wardrobe item, I remembered my hot pink pashmina scarf. Again, anyone who knows me well these days, knows that these pashmina scarves have also become a bit of a staple in my wardrobe, at least 3 seasons of the year (summer in Toronto is a little too hot to rock any kind of scarf, if you ask me)! And this hot pink one, well, it was Hott. And also perfect. Not too dark, not too red, not too fluorescent, not too baby. Just a perfect, bright, bold, Pink. Sigh... That one was lost about a year and a half ago, on a glorious night that was my ex-boyfriend's birthday. Poor guy had me accompany him to his friend's band's secret concert in an empty warehouse or something (a concert organised to celebrate someone else's b-day - no joke) and he ended up babysitting his way too drunk (that's what happens when you have to BYOB, and you bring a mickey of vodka and end up drinking the whole thing straight because you forgot to stop at the store and buy mix!) ex-girlfriend. Oh Happy Day. While he did manage to get my stubborn self into a taxi home at the end of the night, he did not manage to send me on my way with my beloved hot pink pashmina. I guess it's understandable. I can be quite a case sometimes.
Now, not to make it seem like I get wasted and irresponsible all the time... 'Cause I really don't. I swear, I am the responsible one, often times!!! Really! But back in the day, when I really wasn't all that responsible (but c'mon, I was 17 and attending my first year of university all the way over in England!) I experienced my very first alcohol-related wardrobe loss. It was an excellent black skirt and shell/vest/top thing. Fantastic. Stylish. Classic. I miss it to this day. The short version of this story is that there was a wine tasting event at my school, I sampled a little too generously, ended up in pool of my own vomit (ooh, classy, I know!) in my bed. Still fully (though perhaps not so stylishly) clothed at this point. I don't even know what brave, angelic soul got down and dirty and dressed me in my PJ's and threw away my soiled bed linens and clothes, but I shall remain eternally grateful. Even if they did throw out one of my favorite outfits in the process. It probably would've never been the same anyhow.
But yes, these were a a few of my favorite things, and the things that I was thinking about today on the subway. I guess the moral of these stories is... "Don't drink and dress"??? Or maybe, don't drink so much you forget that you love what you're wearing??? I'm sure there's a lesson here... somewhere... But I don't have time to properly ruminate on it, I'm meeting an old friend for drinks in less than an hour, and I've got to go pick out an outfit!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
