It Feels Good To Be Me Right Now

As I walked home this morning, from last night's party (um, yeah... anyhow), the sun was shining brightly. I found myself longing for the sunglasses that I removed from my bag last night before I left the house, to make room for that bottle of tonic water, thinking to myself: "I don't need to bring my sunglasses, it's night." As I walked home from the bus stop this morning, breathing in the almost-intrusively fresh and crisp spring air, I let my heavy winter coat slide down off my shoulders because I was so warm...

And again, I felt the j-o-y of Spring creeping up on me...

Or maybe I'm just happy.

I suppose general happiness for the sake of life feeling good is a total possibility for me at this point... Which, I have to say, is awesome!

As I walked home this morning, with a smile on my face, I thought about how thankful I am to have so much friendship and fun and laughter and love in my life...

I had a really great weekend; On Saturday morning I took the bus out to Peterborough, so that I could rent a van and drive my friend Nikki (who's been living with her parents in Peterborough since she got back from travelling in Asia a few months ago) to Montreal, where she is moving to. So we rented the cargo van, loaded 'er up and drove to Montreal. Where we then un-loaded the van and pretty much collapsed into bed (after consuming the last of our 'road-trip red licorice' and the bottle of red wine that we wisely brought with us, of course.) Only to wake up bright and early on Sunday morning, to take a walk, consume some espresso and croissants, and then send me on my merry way, driving back to Peterborough. Where I returned the van, and proceeded to bus it back to the T-dot. Just in time to shower, and head out the door to my friend's party.

Good, good times. Very.

If it meant spending 24 hours in close quarters (think automobile and bedroom full of boxes) with this fabulous girl pictured above (no, not me, the one on the right!), you'd volunteer to drive to and from Montreal over the course of 24 hours too! I guarantee it!

Ah, for the love of fun-having...
I am thankful.

SpRuNg!

Spring is totally here. Just TRY and tell me that it's not. I don't care if that damn dirty snow is taking it's sweet time melting outta sight. No one can deny me the joy that I feel now that it is actually light out when I wake up in the morning, and now that I had to take my jacket off while driving today because the sun was so warm beating through the car windows, and now that there IS that umistakeable feeling in the air... the egde of J-O-Y that is stirring within us all, as we celebrate the EXIT (of) WINTER.

And I too seem to be sprung from the existential captivity of the soul that winter seemed to have me trapped in... I'm all settled in to the new digs, loving life with the new roomies... I even hosted an easter dinner, which I COOKED, all by myself, including A TURKEY!

Don't believe me? Check out the photographic evidence:

Step One: Get over your fear of the dead bird.

(Cooking Fact: Recovering Vegetarians are not ideal candidates for cooking dead animals. Even tasty bird ones. It's true.)

This is not fake at all, despite the Swiss Chalet jokes we cracked all evening, this is the real deal; I cooked that dead bird!
(Another Cooking Fact: Meat-eating roomates come in handy when you have no idea how to 'carve a turkey'; Just hand them the knife and ask them to make that cooked dead bird into sliced dead bird - mmmmmmm!)

The Best Part: The People
Ah, such good times...
Seriously will go down as one of THE best memories of my entire life, seriously.

And in other news, the rest of my life, outside of my home, seems to have totally picked up lately... I'm loving my part-time afterschool teaching gigs, and my volunteer Tuesday nights with the teens, and I'm excitedd to announce that a few weeks ago I auditioned for, and was cast in a kids show that will have me performing in a Six Flags Amusement park in St Louis, Missouri for June, July & August this summer!

Yeah, St Louis - the city I never knew I would be excited to spend time in!

But I am excited. Very. And I'm also falling more and more in love with my neighbourhood (the historical "Junction City" neighbourhood in West Toronto). And I'm working on creating a new one-woman show that I am hoping to perform and tour in 2008/2009... And my roomate Laura and I are also plotting to open our own business in the neighbourhood, maybe even in late 2008... we'll see... dum da dum, dum dum...

Oh yeah, I've also (THANK G-D, becauseIdesperatelyneedthemoney) got a temporary, eight day gig as a driver for this 'REEL Canada' film festival, through my roomate Louis. 'REEL Canada' brings Canadian films in to Canadian high schools, like a one-day film festival, including guest speakers and workshops... And it's MY job now to pick up and drop off those special guests. I've only done two days now, but it's been pretty fun. I get to meet some interesting people, and I kinda love being around teenagers in these high schools all day too... :)

Well, that's all for now kids.
I promise to try and update more frequently in the coming days/weeks/months...

But until then, get away from your computer and go play outside!

Happy Spring!
XOX

Coppola Captures THE Moments, Every Time

Today I fully realized my love of Sofia Coppola's work. Seriously, my love for her films runs deep and is heart-felt, and my awe and admiration for Coppola herself is also intense.

I knew when I rented 'Marie Antoinette' a few months ago, and loved it so much that I watched it twice over the course of 24 hours (contrary to what it seems many people felt about the film), that there was something special about the way Ms. Coppola sees the world and translates her perspective into films. There was something about the rich yet easy beauty of the long (some might say indulgent), lingering and somewhat wistful shots, that speak so directly to my own view of the world, and the beauty of certain moments.

My Favorite shot(s) in 'Marie Antoinette' are of Kirsten Dunst (playing the young 1780's party girl Miss Antoinette herself) as she rides home to her palace, in her horse-drawn carriage in the wee, blue-ish hued hours of morning, after partying all night at some ball. The lighting of the pristine French landscape at sunrise, underscored by Air's dreamy soundtrack and Dunst's spot-on interpretation of a pensive young party girl, leaning her head against the window, gazing out at the suddennly day-lit world, post all-night partying, feels somehow universal no matter what era you live in. It's my favorite 'scene'... Maybe because it strikes such a familiar, heart-wrenching cord...

Upoon watching Coppola's Antoinette movie, I promptly set out to learn more about this young queen, with whom I suddennly felt a kinship as a result of Coppola's film-making skills, only to discover that my kinship is perhaps even more actual than I had originally thought; Marie and I (notez bien as well that my MIDDLE name is Marie...), well, we share the same birth date: November 2nd! Kindreds. Indeed.

So Marie Antoinette is my favorite Sofia Coppola film, but sadly, the only one that I do not own. Well, technically I only own Lost in Translation, but Roomate Laura owns The Virgin Suicides, and that's what I watched this morning when I found myself wide awake at 5:30am. And I must say, Coppola's first film is every bit as impressive as her last. And they do also share a lot of similarities: Dunst as the intriguingly beautiful young party girl, indulgently long sweet and lingering shots and like all her movies, a wonderfully complimentary soundtrack by ethereal band 'Air.' Both The Suicides and Antoinette were also films that Coppola adapted from published books.

Lost in Translation on the other hand, arguably Coppola's best and certainly her most critically acclaimed film, was wholely written and conceived by Sofia herself. I also re-watched Lost in Translation today, and found myself reflecting on Sofia's original storytelling skills (as demonstrated with 'Lost...') versus her interpretation techniques (as demonstrated with The Suicides and Antoinette). I came to the conclusion that Coppola's real skill might be in her own creative pursuits as an original story teller, which generates the film(s) that appeals most to mass audiences.

But while her skills as a writer and filmaker interpreting previously published written material tends towards a slightly less accessible final product, I'm still an avid fan. Of all her work.

So, I wonder what's up next for the lovely Sofe-Cope?

The Best Kind of Tears

This is the second day in a row now that I've spent the morning lounging around in my pyjamas, leasurely eating my breakfast and drinking my tea, followed by an easy 'trek' up the stairs to my room where I nonchalantly find myself settling in to some random task... sorting through my files or voyaging around the facebook (ummm, yes, I have files, I love filing things from my life into sometimes sensical and sometimes not so sensical order!) And then - for two days in a row now - I suddennly end up in tears. The good kind though.

I find myself seriously weeping - in gratitude and awe for the beauty of my life and the people in it!

And maybe I am also weeping for all the hurt that I have felt in my not-so-long life thus far. Perhaps part of this weeping is a mourning for those times when the beauty of this world was not as apparent to me as it is now, it was hard to find. Perhaps part of this weeping is a frustration about the fact that the beauty and love and light that I see and feel all around me right now, will not always be so easy to see... A resentment for the fact that 'the good times' are pretty much inherently defined by the existence of the not-so-good...

But mostly, I think I am weeping the very best kind of tears - the happy kind.

Yesterday they were brought on while I was filing some old resume/job/school application stuff and came across some old letters of reference... As I reread what my former employers had to say about me - from the camps that I used to teach at as a teenager, the community centre I pretty much ran when I first moved to Toronto, and even from my high school friends' parents when I needed to apply for scholarships and financial assistance in order to continue attending university! - I couldn't help but swell with intense gratitude, both for the kind words and recognition of these people whom I respect and admire so much, and also for those magical, challenging and life-changing experiences themselves! So then I cried a little.

And today, I was actually creeping around on the facebook, looking at the profile belonging to my roomate Laura's best friend (who lives in Vancouver and I've actually never met, but we're facebook friends - go figure! Whatevs.) So, even though I don't really actually know this woman personally, I just feel so connected to her, and I have this deep sense that we are sort of 'kindred spirits'... Maybe I feel that way so strongly because reading her fb profile today made me weep... Made me weep in awe of the beauty of the world and the fact that there are people out there who declare things in their "About Me" section on fb like:

"I love it when my boy wraps his arms around my neck...I've been waiting for that moment my whole life. I own a restaurant where the loveliest people work. I live in Vancouver and miss the east all the time because that is where my peeps are. I am so over crack addiction. I love revelations...learning how to live, laugh and cope. lately the world seems hard...but by now I know that it always gets better...long live hot days, tanned shoulders and the ocean. peace...is it too much to ask?"

And here I am, weeping again! And realising that you're probably not, and that's why this woman is probably a 'kindred spirit' of mine, because her very simple words and thoughts can make me weep and that is our connection. And it's a good thing. And I like it.

And for now, I think that's all I have to say.

Laura and Henry are away this week, skiing with Laura's parents. I miss them. So I decided to use the built in camera function on my MacBook and take this picture today:

EASTER KISSES FOR HENRY!

XOXO,
From "Mmmmm...bdgaiufha"

or however you say it Hen ;)

Gotta Love It (when life feels like 'Buffy')

WHOA! I can't believe how much time has flown by since my last post!

But mostly, I'm just really feeling quite pleased about why it's been so long since my last post...

My aunt Colleen in Vancouver often sends me little email notes in response to my bloggings, and when I've been absent from posting on my blog for an extended period of time she often writes to me saying something along the lines of "I hope the reason you haven't been writing on your blog much lately is that your life is so busy and full of wonderful things." But alas, often the case is the exact opposite. Usually, my absence from blogging is an indication that I'm feeling not-so-up-to-snuff... It usually means that I'm feeling so bogged down by the reality of my life (whether it be so insanely full it's overwhelming, or so uneventful it's depressing) that I can't even handle the self-reflection involved in writing and publishing the truth of it.

Well kids, that is NOT the case this month!

Considering I was unexpectedly unemployed as of the middle of February (I believe I mentioned the bookstore fiasco in a previous post), I have been surprisingly BUSY over the last few weeks! Conveniently, I have scored some drama teaching gigs with a few companies that I worked for years ago (and karmic-ly enough, THEY actually contacted me to ask me to come back and teach some classes and workshops for them, at pretty much the exact time that I needed to find work!) But I am definitely still on the hunt for more work (*and am currently accepting job offers by the way, both near and far, should any of you wish to propose an opportunity for me*), which keeps me busy... internet job searching, cover-letter writing, resume-updating, emailing, facebooking - oh wait, that last one has nothing to do with my job search, it's just an addiction!

Okay, so anyhow, that's pretty much my life in a nutshell these days: facebook, email, job search, teaching and hang-out time with my roomates... In a word: AWESOMENESS.

There have also been more than a few occurances of note over the last few weeks that I have meant to blog about, but just never got around to doing in a timely fashion. Thankfully, I've always been a big fan of that "better late than never" expression. So thus, I present to you,

A Few of My Favorite Thoughts (Inspired by the events of the last two weeks):

"I love it when my life feels like Buffy"
At the beginning of this month I got called in at the very last minute to lead a workshop for a children's theatre company that I used to work for, to replace one of their facilitators who got offered a supply teaching gig that she couldn't turn down. I have to admit, it felt pretty good walking back into that scene, because I was basically one of the original developers of the workshop we were to deliver. This, along with my genuinely enthusiastic personality, seems to make me quite popular amongst my co-facilitators. There were ten of us facilitators assembled that day - a blustery cold and snowy friday - each one of us would independently deliver a full-day workshop to either a grade 7 or 8 class (the older ones naturally being the more challenging). When we arrived at the school, buzzing with the excitement of the day ahead of us, the vice principal led the group of through the hallways of the school, pointing out the various classrooms. With each passing classroom, our supervisor Jason directed one of us to depart from the group and head to our respective "stations"; I giddily remarked that it felt like the final episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when the gang assembles in the Sunnydale High School and prepares to seperate and take their respective places throughout the school for THE final battle. (Only true Buffy fans will appreciate this but,) I felt soooo much like we were living that moment! And, being the last facilitator to be stationed (and with one of the more challenging, grade 8 classes), I naturally felt like the Buffy of the group. Of course. What can I say? I really love it when my life feels like an episode of Buffy!

"Another Tuesday, Another Snowstorm"
Did you know that there have been minor to major snowstorms here in Toronto on 4 out of the last 5 Tuesday evenings? I do, because I have spent the last 5 Tuesday nights trudging through a park in the east end of the city to the Children's Peace Theatre where my friend Mark and I have been given space to facilitate a program with some teenagers we used to work with. We're basically just volunteerig to spend each Tuesday evening with them, to provide a space for all of us to take time away from our everyday lives, reflect on our personal goals and achievements and work towards our own personal successes. Sound vague to you? Yeah me too. We're still figuring it out, but no matter what it is that we are "officially" doing, we are definitely working together and having some laughs and good times along the way! I sure do love the time that I get to spend with them, but I am definitely ready to not have to trudge through the snow anymore!

"There is no good reason for me not to get my nails painted HOT PINK. In fact, there are many reasons to support such an act."
Somehow, at some point over the last month or so, I miraculously (and somewhat randomly) managed to stop biting my nails! I have been chewing my fingernails ever since I had teeth and fingernails to chew! I have tried multiple times to stop, but to no avail. I used to chew them so much, my hands would be bloody and raw. But somehow (maybe something major in my life, or just inside of me, shifted and changed and...) I just stopped. I noticed this a few weeks ago and then decided to make the stoppage more conscious. And then yesterday afternoon, I rewarded myself with my very first manicure. And since I'd never, ever, had a professional manicure before in my life, I chose a color that I have always wanted... ever since I was a little girl: A bubble-gum bright, irridescent, hot pink! Love it, love it, LOVE IT! (And the fact that my friend Jason actually NOTICED AND COMMENTED on the fact that my nails matched the hot pink ribbon I had in my hair yesterday is simply the icing on the cupcake)

"Don't be afraid of the egg"
It's so funny, just before I began to type this section "the egg" came and crawled into my lap (you'll understand in a sec...)

So, this past Monday night I gave my roomate Laura her (belated) birthday present of one night of free babysitting. I wasn't sure when she was going to redeem this gift from me, because Henry (my shortest and youngest -at 16 months old - roomate) has never had a babysitter before. Well, his grandparents have watched him for a few hours at a time, but I was to be his first non-familial babysitter. And I had bedtime to negotiate, since neither mama nor dada would be home before 11:3o/midnite. Right before he left the house, Louis shared with me a "tip" (that came in the form of a story) about "the transfer" - which is when I have to transfer the baby (Henry) into bed, once he falls asleep. Louis' story was about his mother, when she was a cook in the diner his parents used to own. Apparently she was really bad at making fried eggs, because she always broke the yolk. One day a man came in and ordered eggs. Louis' mother warned the man about her 'egg handicap' and the man simply told her: "don't be afraid of the egg." And well, she never broke another yolk. Louis told me that that's what he thinks about every time he has to transfer the precious sleeping Henry into the bed - don't be afraid, just do it - smoothly, quickly and confidently.

Well, the tip worked. I never broke another baby again. Er, I mean, I never woke another yolk... I mean...

Well, I think you know what I mean...

I mean...

SUCCESS!